A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Well, Christmas is finally over, thank God. I totally see why people say Christmas is for kids. Now, me being 22 years old, I realized some time ago that I was, in fact, no longer a kid, and Christmas had gradually lost its lustre. However, this year I not only realized I was older, I realized that I have responsibilities. Since I no longer live with my parents, I was responsible to drive here for this family gettogether, go there, do this, do that. I spent Christmas Eve at mom and dad's, but before I went to bed (thats a whole other story later) I had to drive back to my house, make sure the fire was still going, the doors locked, etc.

So when the presents were finally opened, breakfast at my grandmothers was over with, and I could take a breath, I felt soooo relieved that I could finally do what I wanted to do: sleep.

But NOOOOOOO. Christmas Night, we had my dad's side of the family in for Christmas dinner. My family is fun. They all drink (not TOO much) but just enough that they're all drunk and merry. But, when you're running on 2 hours of sleep, it can be quite a headache. So around 8:30 p.m., I ducked out. Quickly. Brad had called, he had also escaped the madness that is Christmas, and wanted me to go over to his place to play hockey (on XBox; no friggin way I had the energy to play actual hockey) and when I got to his house, it was indeed very silent. His entire family was there, his 2 sisters, 1 brother & girlfriend, his parents, his cousin, but everyone was quiet. It was fan-fuckin-tastic. His parents had gotten a new TV for Christmas, and Brad had put the old one up in his bedroom. So after his mother force-fed me pie, we went up to play XBox. I had been kind of hoping that no one else was there, so we could fool around, and we promised each other that we would never do anything as long as there was someone else in the house. So, it was lookin like a no-go (which it was, that night...)

I need to learn how to type my blog properly! I should have started at Christmas Eve, and worked my way up from there... But, too f'in bad, I'm not retracting and retyping everything.

So Christmas Eve, it's family tradition that my mother's family all gets together, has supper, and goes to church, in varying stages of drunkeness. (Well, the drunkenness isn't really tradition, it's just how things happen...) And Brad just so happened to need a drive to his place. My mother wouldn't hear of him not staying for supper. So he sat down, we all ate, drank a little, and then when my grandmother asked him if he would be joining us for Church, Brad said no.

Sidenote: When my grandmother says you're going to Church, you're GOING to Church. Don't argue with her, she's a retired school teacher, who likes her Church, especially on Christmas.

So, long story short, Brad went to Church with us. It was hilarious. Just seeing Brad in Church, is fall-on-your-ass funny. He was scared he would burst into flames. His girlfriend had gone away to her mom's for Christmas, so when mom asked what she would say when Brad told her he spent Christmas Eve in Church, he said my mom would have to call her so she would believe him. Anyways, after church, we went back to my parents house for awhile, and I had to stop by my house afterwards to get clothes, etc. By this point, it's about 12:30 a.m., and I figured we would just stop in, get what I had to get, and we'd be on our way. Brad goes into the living room and sits down on the couch, cracking open a beer. After I got all my stuff together, I went in and asked if we were staying for awhile. He said that he would like to. So I sat down beside him, and started watching TV.

The roommates were gone for the night, so it was just the two of us. It was incredibly hot in there, as it was very warm outside, and one of my roommates had loaded the fire full before they left. With a combination of the beer and the heat, all I could think about was Brad sitting 2 feet away from me, lookin all hot. I was getting a vibe from him that he wasn't in the mood to do anything, as he wasn't dropping any hints like he usually does. But after about half an hour, Brad asked me what I thought about him going out West. I told him there's a reason that I change the subject everytime you bring that up. that should be a good enough answer. Well, apparently, it wasn't. He kept telling me to say what was on my mind, and I told him that I was saving everything for right before he left to go. Well, that drove him damn near crazy, and he was begging me to tell him right then, so in case it was something bad, we wouldn't leave our relationship in a bad way. He wanted me to tell him now so he could absorb everything. I've had that moment planned out in my head ever since he first told me he was going, and I wanted to save it. But he just kept bugging me. The heat was making me agitated, so finally I just exploded and told him (almost) everything. Like how I couldn't help but be selfish, I knew he was going out there for good reasons, but I couldn't stand the thought of losing my best friend, especially after all that's happened in the last 2 years, how he was really the only friend that I could trust with absolutely anything, and how we do so much together in the summer, and next summer he won't be here, and I felt horrible for sounding so self-absorbed, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. Brad always has a way of interrupting me when I talk, but this time, he didn't. He just sat there and took it all in. I can't even remember what all I said. I know I told him everything I had in me save for the fact that I thought I was falling in love with him, which still scares the hell out of even ME. I remember saying I didn't care about what anyone else said about us, if everyone thought of me as a "great big, neon-pink flaming faggot"and by the end of it, I was starting to cry but I wanted to give him the impression that I was mad, and was trying so hard not to let any tears fall. Brad wasn't nearly drunk enough not to notice my voice break, though. Like a flash, he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. I just buried my head in him, and he kept squeezing me. He kept saying he was sorry, that he had no idea I felt that strongly about the whole situation, and for me not to think about it until the time came, and he wouldn't talk about it. When I finally picked my head up, he looked at me and grabbed the back of my head. Out of every other kiss he has given me, this one felt like the ultimate, real deal. We weren't drunk, it wasn't in the heat of any sexual moment, he had realized that he hurt me, and wanted to fix it.

He pushed me back on the couch, and crawled on top of me. I pulled his shirt open and took it off, him doing the same to me. It was soooo goddamned hot in there, and the wood stove is right beside the couch, so we were already out of breath. Neither one of us cared that it was almost 2 a.m. and we had to get to our respective houses. He stood up, and I unbuckled his belt. I stood up and pushed him back down on the couch, into a sitting position. I dropped down onto my knees and started unbuttoning his pants. He stood back up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards my bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, and I pushed him onto his back. I crawled up his body, still trying to get his damn pants off. This reminded me of the first time we undressed each other:

I wasn't quite as drunk as he was, so I had his clothes off in no time. Brad, on the other hand, didn't do too bad until he got to my jeans, which were button-fly. He fumbled with them for I don't know how long, until he finally said "Uhhh, maybe you should look after those just this once..." It was one of those moments where everything is very heated and going along very smoothly until someone gets caught up on something (i.e. the episode of Seinfeld where George tries to open the condom like a bag of chips and looses Mr. Happy all the time)

Anyways, I finally got his jeans off this time, running my hands up his stomach. I pulled his underwear down with my teeth, a move he seems to like, and started sucking. I heard him sigh loudly, and he started to pump his hips almost immediately. He had his hands on the back of my head, pushing my head almost too far down on his cock. My gag reflex is getting better, but it's still not at 100%, so I motioned for him to ease up a little bit. Man, he smelled so good, must have been body spray or something, but I've never smelled it before. I was massaging his hips as he pushed up to meet my mouth, and then I ran my hands underneath his ass, grabbing his cheeks. After about 10 minutes, he said he was getting close and lifted my head. He sat up and pushed me back down on the bed. He pulled my underwear off, and went to work. He was even more into sucking me off now than he was last time. He ran his tongue up my stomach, back down my thighs, between my thighs, and was teasing me. It took him a good 5 minutes before he finally took me in. I had my hands at my sides, and he grabbed my wrists to hold them there, not letting me move them. I noticed that he seems to have a light bondage fetish, and I also have a set of actual steel handcuffs. I know the key for them is somewhere, I just have to find it before I slap them on him, or vice versa ;)

So he was really doing an awesome job with his tongue, and not being able to move my hands was driving me crazy. Just as I was getting to the edge, he stopped. He crawled up on top of me, like we were in the missionary position. He just started grinding his hips into mine, once again holding my hands up over my head. He stuck his tongue down my throat and thrusted harder. It felt so good, his cock grinding against mine, both ready to go any second. He started breathing harder the same time I did, I opened my eyes. His teeth were bared, his eyes screwed shut, his hair damp with sweat, and almost every inch of our bodies touching one another, still very hot and sweaty. Suddenly, I heard him growl deep in his throat. His head fell on my shoulder, his mouth right next to my left ear. I felt his heavy breath on my neck, and he hissed

"I'm fucking cumming NOWWWWW"

and with that he let loose, as did I, with a long, loud moan, Brad's hips still thrusting hard into me. The feeling of our cum mixed between us was amazing, slippery and sticky, it was then I realized I had gotten my hands free and had my nails dug into his ass. When it was finally over, what seemed like 10 minutes, Brad stayed right on top of me, still panting and sweating. He lifted his head from the crook of my neck and kissed my forehead. I grabbed his face and pulled him down onto me. I rolled us both over so I was now on top. It was my turn to pin his hands, it felt pretty good, powerful. I told him about the handcuffs, and how I'd look for the key later. He smiled and said that sounded like a lot of fun. (P.S. I found the key last night...)

So after we laid there for a few minutes, we got out of bed and jumped in the shower. Nothing much interesting happened there so I won't bore you with those details. After we got out, Brad realized that his shirt had ended up on the bed with us. On the shirt was quite a sizeable stain, so he just threw it in my clothes hamper. He had two shirts on, so he just wore the other one home. (It wasn't until 2 days later that my roommate had done my laundry for me, and washed the shirt. I almost crapped myself when I saw it neatly folded on my bed, clean. She must have never noticed the huge cum stain on it, or if she did, she's never mentioned it)

On the way home, I asked Brad if he had had other people to go visit Christmas Eve. He smiled and said that all day he had only thought of spending it with one person, me. I tried to play it up a little bit, even though it made me feel really tingly inside, so I went "Awwwww" and shoved his shoulder, and he went "No, really. I'm serious. I'm sorry about upsetting you before, and I feel really bad about it. I had a really good time tonight."

When we got to his house, he opened the door, and let it close again. He didn't say anything for awhile, and then he turned and asked if he was going to see me anytime Christmas Day. I said yeah, probably at some point. He asked if I could come over as soon as possible. I said sure, and asked if it was something important. He said no, he just wanted me to be there. He grinned, and leaned over in the seat to give me a quick kiss on the lips. I instinctively pulled away at first because we never kiss in his driveway, you never know how many people are in his house, and/or who's looking out the window. We also never kiss goodbye, this was a first. Anyway, I gave into his kiss, and he smiled. I said "You know, we've been really obvious about everything" and he responded with "Yeah, I know, who gives a fuck?"

And with that, he grabbed my hand real quick, and stepped out of the car. I said "I'll see ya later" and he turned, leaned back in the car, and said "Tomorrow, remember, as soon as you can get away. Sleep tight" and he shut the door.

I started driving away, my head was swimming. This was so unusual, I don't know if he was being like this because this was the first Christmas where his girlfriend wasn't there, and he wasn't used to being alone, but then I remembered last weekend at the camp, he was acting almost the same way. I still can't figure it out. But if it keeps progressing the way it has been, I have a very strong feeling that he's going to suggest that I go out West with him (i.e. like I had previously suggested: go away together, somewhere nobody knows us, and be together.) This sounded absurd, even to me, when I brought it up, but over the past few weeks, the way he's been acting, this idea seemed to make more and more sense. Maybe he did take me seriously, and maybe that's what he wants to do. I'll never bring it up unless he does, but I'd really like to know. I said I'd never let myself fall in love with a guy, but believe me, that's much easier said than done. Especially since, at one time, I was so in love with his sister, thought she was the girl I wanted to marry, but not anymore. I dunno... I have too much to think about right now. But, it does feel really good to see him coming around, and all I could think about when I finally got into bed at mom & dad's 4:30 a.m., was all the nice things he had said to me that night, how he didn't want to spend Christmas Eve with anyone other than me, and how he wanted to see me Christmas Day as soon as I could get away. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Morning After

Sorry, guess I forgot to give you the rest of the story! Hey, it's Christmas week, I've been a busy man. Anyways, picking up where Brad and I awoke the next morning:

We had woken up around the same time, I was trying to build a fire, but he wouldn't let me out of bed. Then he kissed me again. Over and over again. All I could think about was the first time I had kissed him:

It was the night that I confessed to him about my being bisexual. He told me that he was too. The atmosphere set it all up perfect. I was housesitting for some friends, he and I were sitting at the kitchen table, with one dim light on over the sink. It was mid-July, very hot, about 2 in the morning. When Brad finally said that we were probably going to hook up tonight, because it was either now or later, and why wait for something when you both want now, I wasn't sure how to handle it. I had fooled around with a friend before, and it put a serious dent in our friendship. Brad was, is, and always will be my best friend, and I didn't want to risk that. He just kept assuring me that he would be fine with it, he had fantasized about it before, and not to worry, as long as I was going to be okay with it. So after a little more conversation, and a very awkward silence, I stood up and walked around the table. He was still sitting in the chair. I lightly put my right hand on the left side of his face, and turned his head towards me. Then I put my left hand on his right cheek, and bent down. The time it took for my lips to meet his seemed like it took hours. A split second before we met, I thought "he doesn't wanna kiss me. He wants to fuck. I just screwed it all up" but as soon as we touched, his mouth opened a bit, and I could feel his tongue on mine. His hands ran up my back, my neck, and then to my face. He pulled me down onto him, never breaking the kiss. I'll never, ever forget the feeling of his stubble on my cheeks, this was so much different than kissing a girl. A girl will submit to a kiss, but when you have two guys, they both fight for control. I remember pushing his hat off his head, the hat that I told him a few months ago that I was keeping, and now keep in my closet. His white sleeveless t-shirt, still damp from swimming earlier that evening, and his brown shorts, tented just the slightest little bit. We must have sat there for a good 5 minutes before he finally pulled back. I remember taking a huge gulp of air, and my knees being really weak. All I could think was how that was the first time I'd ever kissed a guy, and I liked it. I looked down at Brad, who was still sitting, and he said

"Wow. That was definitely a good icebreaker."

I laughed, and grabbed him by the hand. We walked down the hall to the bedroom, I told him there was no turning back now. He said he wouldn't think twice about it, and the rest is history.

So last Saturday morning, I had that same feeling again. I was half-scared, half-excited, because I know I'm falling in love with him. I won't let myself admit it though. See, there's a very long back-story between he and I, that I can never share with anybody, even the Blog. We'll just leave it at it was 2 summers ago, a matter of life and death, that really drew us closer together. Someone told me that what I'm feeling is lust, not love, but I've been in love before, I know how it feels. (Look up cruel; heartless; two-faced; frigid; bitch in the dictionary, and you'll find a picture of my ex-girlfriend.) Excellent liar though, she fooled me for almost 2 years...

Anyways, I keep getting away from Saturday morning! After we laid there for awhile making out, he started jerking me off. I of course, did the same to him, and he whispered that he wanted me to fuck him. We found the lube tangled in the blankets, and I put some on. I was on my back, and he straddled my hips. It was tricky getting in. I hadn't fucked him for a reallly long time. You could tell he was in pain, but Brad is like me. He hates to quit. So he put up with it. After a few minutes of him adjusting, he started moving up and down, increasingly faster. The expression on his face gradually changed from pain to pleasure. His dirty blond hair was messed up just enough to look sexy, his stubble making a dark shadow on his face. His eyes were slightly squinted, looking down at me. When he caught my eyes, he grinned. He moved his hands from my hips, up over my stomach, and resting them on my shoulders. He leaned over me. I could still smell his cologne from the night before, and as I ran my hands up his back, I pulled him closer to me. I bent my legs and thrusted up whenever he pushed down. He was tightening his ass just enough that there was pressure, which caused me to moan. Suddenly he stopped, and got off of me. I sort of looked at him, wondering, and then he got in the doggy position. I moved around behind him, and pushed back in. Brad gasped; maybe I'd gone in a little too hard. I stopped for a second, and started thrusting, slowly at first, then picking up the pace. He had started moaning, softly, then a little louder, whispering "Fuck me. Harder." So I grabbed his hips and started pulling him back into me, causing my cock to go deep every time. He would pull himself forward, and I would almost come completely out, and shove back in again.

I ran my hands up his muscular back, on which beads of sweat had started to form. I leaned over him and grabbed his shoulder blades. When we found a good rhythm, I laid on his back, my right hand reaching down under him, jerking him off. I supported myself with my left hand, and started licking the back of his neck. I moved up around his ears, which, like I said, drives him wild. He turned his head to the right, and I met his mouth with mine. His soft moans felt so good, the vibration on my lips, his hot breath in my mouth, I will never get over his taste.

I gripped a little tighter on his cock, taking longer strokes, pausing to play with his balls for a second, and going all the way to the tip. He was grinding his hips back into me harder now, I told him to hold us up. With my right hand still on his cock, I moved my left hand underneath him, massaging between his thigh and crotch. At the same time, I could pull him even tighter into me. I could feel that I was getting close, and I knew by his breathing that he was too. I pulled out, and flipped him over onto his back. He spread his legs, and I was back in in no time. I laid back down onto him again, pulling his left leg up with my right arm, supporting it. He was rubbing my back, scratching, grabbing. His moans were getting louder, and we kept having to break the kisses to get air more frequently. I started moving my hips in a circular motion, holding his head perfectly still, my face no more than an eighth of an inch from his. The heat from our breath felt amazing, Brad's face was slick with sweat, mine too, no doubt. I thrusted harder and harder, I could feel his ass tighten and loosen, I knew he was going. With a loud grunt, he let go. I could feel his cum between us, making us sticky and slippery at the same time. He had his eyes screwed shut, his mouth open, teeth bared. That look on his face alone was enough to drive me over. As his nails dug into my back, I came hard, deep inside him. I couldn't stop thrusting into him, he was so tight and warm.

When my orgasm finally subsided, I collapsed on top of Brad. After a few minutes, I asked if I was too heavy, he said no, that it felt good. I rested my face in the crook of his neck, kissing lightly, breathing. My heart was still racing pretty good, and I could feel his going about the same rate on my right pec. He ran his hands down my back, grabbing my ass, squeezing. I ran my hands through his wet hair, and picked my head up to kiss him. When we separated, Brad said something to the effect of "that was the best yet" and I nodded in agreement. I rolled off him, and grabbed my watch off the night table.

1:15 p.m.

I told Brad what time it was, and he groaned. He reminded me that we had both agreed to play hockey with some friends today. I groaned. I did NOT feel like playing hockey. But the longer I laid there, the more I kinda wanted to. So, out of bed we climbed, got dressed, and left the cabin. I wonder when we'll be back there again? We never know until the last minute... But don't worry, I'll let you know...

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Gone Campin' Part Deux

Here is the rest of my previous post:

So we lay down on the bed, and I can tell by the way he's breathing and moving, he's really into this tonight. He just kept rubbing my chest, grabbing me, jacking us both off. I wrapped my arms around his torso and flipped him onto his back. I started going to town on his neck and ears, which drives him wild (which it does me, too, conveniently enough) and slowly worked my way down to his chest. I bit his nipple ever so gently, which produced a nice moan from Brad. My favorite move is to slowly kiss my way down someone's body, whether it be a guy or a girl, just kiss very lightly, and breathe hot air as I go. So I slowed wayyy down when I got to his treasure trail, and went right around his cock. I just kept going down his thigh, his inner thigh, down the inside of his leg, until I was almost to his toes. Then I grabbed the lube (which is a very good massage oil when it's not too cold) and coated my hands with it. I started rubbing my way back up his legs, and when I got to his thighs, I flipped him over onto his stomach. I straddled his ass, and oiled his back up, using long wide strokes. His neck was tight, so I paid special attention to the cords of his neck and his shoulder blades. If you've ever had a massage, you know just how awesome that feels right there. By this time, Brad had started pushing his ass back against my (now rock-solid) cock, and was moaning more than I had expected him too. It was now that I realized I hadn't even touched his dick yet, and it probably needed a little attention. I kept him on his stomach, and laid down on his back, kissing the back of his neck. I reached under him and felt it, very hot, very hard, very wet, ready to see some action. I asked him if he wanted top or bottom, he said

"Top first. It's gonna be a double header tonight anyways, so we can both have a go"

I thought "right on..." and he sat up. I laid down on my back and he started getting us both ready. I reminded him to go slow, as it had been awhile, and he started pushing in. It stung a little at first, but it's nothing I haven't done before, so in a matter of minutes, it was allll gooood. We got a good rhythm going after a few minutes, I was on my back, he was starting to thrust harder and harder. I noticed he was being more personal this time. He kept looking down at me. Every now and then he'd go deep and let his body fall on mine and kiss me. He was starting to sweat, which really gets me off. His face was red, and his breath was heavy. Finally his arms gave out, he fell down on me. Kinda hard, knocked the wind outta me a little, but I didn't care. He grabbed my face again, and kissed me hard. He was getting a little rough, which I also like. So I grabbed his head, and pushed into him, hard. My tongue found his the same time his found mine. I had to come up for air, but I wanted to be quick about it. As soon as I moved my head, he grabbed my wrists and pinned them over my head. The kissing continued. He just kept going faster and faster, and had started to moan. I knew by the way he was moving his hips that he was getting close. He'd started to pick himself up, and I told him to stay in. He must have been closer than I thought, because all I got from him was

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaahhhhhh"

and then I felt it. It felt pretty cool actually. I'd never let him go off in me before, without a condom. He seemed to enjoy it too. His orgasm went on for a looong time. He was moaning really loud, which is damn hot. After it was over, he asked me if I had gone off. I said no, and he moved down and took me deep-throat right away. Damn, he was getting good at this. It didn't take long and I told him I was cumming. He never moved his head so I filled his mouth to the point where it was running out. After I was done I pulled him up, and kissed him again. I could still taste my cum in his mouth a little bit, and he wrapped both arms around me and rolled us both on our sides. I have no idea how long we laid there making out, or who fell asleep first. It must have been at least 5:30 in the morning by that time...

It was almost noon when I opened my eyes. I could still feel Brad pushed tight up against me. It was cold in the camp again, and I tried to get up to re-build the fire. Brad wouldn't let go of me though. He looked asleep, but I couldn't budge his hands. Finally I saw the smallest grin on his face, and he started to laugh. I laid back down and he moved his face closer to mine. Once again, he gave me a kiss. I still couldn't figure this kissing thing out. It doesn't bother me, I had just suggested it because I thought he didn't like it. But now, he couldn't get enough of it.

Anyways, lets just say we didn't get out of bed just then... But I will tell you that I'm gonna leave you hanging again ;)

Gone campin'.

Wow, guess I haven't blogged in awhile... Well, nothing really significant has happened, except another good night with Brad, which is all I'm going to write about today. Not that any other time hasn't been worth writing about, I just wanna write about this one ;)

Friday night, the two of us hit the bars around town, totally blowing everyone else off, just drinking and playing pool. After the after-hours bar closed at around 3, we decided to head home. I was going to take him to his place, but on the way there, he suggested we go to the camp. FYI, anytime he ever wants to go to the camp, it's his own way of saying "I wanna fuck you tonight". We go to my cabin because, to get there, you have to go through a huge iron gate and drive for a mile and then you get to the cabin. It's totally isolated, never any chance of us getting caught. Anyways, we made a brief stop-off at his place to get some food, trying not to wake up anyone else in the house (p.s., drunk Brad doesn't do a very good job being sneaky) but we made it out. It had snowed a little that night, and at the cabin, you have to walk down over a hill to get to the porch. Well, sure enough, Brad wiped out. It was funny, he wasn't hurt or anything, we had a laugh.

So we get inside, it was chilly in there, and I built a fire. The funny part about us going out there so hook up is, neither of us actually says it. He asks if we can go to the cabin, and I know what he's trying to say. And once we get there, he plays hard to get for an hour or so. Sure enough, he pulls the couch up closer to the fireplace, and opens a beer. This night, though, I was having none of it. I was ready.

He kept complaining about how his legs were cold from where he fell down and got them wet, so I told him to throw them up over my legs, and I'd massage them (I give a mean massage). So he did, and the warmer his legs got, the closer I moved up to his ass, around his hips, his crotch, and he was lightly moaning. He hadn't touched his beer in awhile, so I knew he was ready. Well that, and the iron-stiff rod I could feel in his pants. I touched his stomach, and apparently my hands were still a little cold, because he gasped a little.

"Better warm those up before you go any lower..." he says.

So I warmed them up, and went for my prize. We hadn't done anything in awhile, and for some reason I was sort of feeling like I didn't want to tonight. We had met some girls at the bar, and tried to convince them to come with us, but alas, they wouldn't. And usually I get pretty into Brad. He's looks damn good, especially with no clothes on, and when he relaxes, he gets really into things. So I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I could tell he was really wanting to do this. So I kept going. I reached in, he was all good there, so I undid his pants. I needed to shift myself around on the couch some more, and when I moved up, he grabbed my head and kissed me. This really shocked me, we had agreed when we first started this that there was no kissing, no "I-love-you's", just sex. And here he was kissing me. I don't mean like a quick peck either, he kept kissing me, tongues swirling, he had ahold of my head, and was even starting to push me back so he could be on top of me. It wasn't bothering me, and as long as he was cool with it, so was I. So we made out for a good 10 minutes or so, and I finally ended up back down at his crotch.

The fire was hot by now, so when I pulled his pants off, he had already started to sweat. He pulled his sweater off, and laid back on the couch. The fire set off a nice glow to everything, and as soon as he laid down, he sat back up, and started taking my shirt off. He pushed me back, and unbuttoned my jeans. Slowly, he licked down my chest to my stomach, and then started pushing my jeans down, his tongue following his hands. Even though he had only given me head a few times before, he was getting really good. He kept going for about 15 minutes and then asked if we could go to the bed. I said sure, and out of nowhere he produces a tube of Wet. Like I mean cartoonishly whips this lube out of nowhere. I actually kinda laughed and went "Where the hell did that come from?" He grinned and said "Guess Santa came early this year..."

I'm gonna keep y'all waiting for the rest... Got stuff to do right now.


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Stabbed in the back

Okay, by now you know that this past summer, I bought a house. My lawyer advised me to get a Will, which sounds like an odd thing for a 22 year old to have, but I have shit now, and apparently if I die, people need to know who gets this shit. So when I wrote the Will up, I bought a safe to keep it in, along with some other papers, valuables, etc. My lawyer also said to tell one other person the combination so when something did happen to me, there would be a "secondary access to my documentation". Good times. So, of all people, I told Brad the combination. There is no one else in the World that I would trust with anything like that. I also told him that he was free to look in the safe any time he wanted, as long as it was him and only him who was looking. He said to me that he would never look, until the time came. Brad has never lied to me before. Brad lied to me that day. And he betrayed me. When I came home last weekend after my trip, I discovered that someone had looked in the safe. Things had been moved around. Naturally, I knew it was Brad, which was no big deal. But last night, Brad and another friend, Drew, were at my house, we were having a few beers, and suddenly I realize Brad is no longer in the room. I look down the hall and see my bedroom light on. Then I hear the safe door close. So I went down to the bedroom to see what he was doing. As soon as I walked in the door, I see a note, a very private note that I had written; chickened out on delivering-so-I-put-it-in-the-safe, laying on my bed, with Brad staring at me. I shut the door, and grabbed the note. Tension filled the room. The conversation went something like this:

Brad: "You wanna tell me what the fuck that is?"

Me: "Sure. That's a very private letter to someone other than you that you had no business reading."

Brad: "I thought I had permission to go in the safe"

Me: "You do. You have permission to go in the safe, not to go through all my things and read letters that aren't addressed to you. That's a severe invasion of my privacy. When did you find this?"

Brad: "Friday afternoon when we were all here"

Me: "Who was all here?"

Brad: "Me, Drew, and Stephen."

--> Okay, I realize the conversation is a little long to type out, so I'll paraphrase the rest. Not only did Brad go through personal things of mine, he let Drew and Stephen stay in the room while he did it. They read everything too. Keep in mind that Stephen is my roommate so this makes everything sort of awkward between us. Drew, well, Drew is expendable. He lies to me constantly, he's sneaky, and overall, I have no idea why I'm even friends with him. But Stephen and Brad, it hurt so bad to realize that not one, but two of my best friends had stabbed me in the back like this. Brad and I sat in my bedroom for two hours. He was so squirmy and he was trying everything to get me to shut up. Kept asking if I wanted a drink, a cigarette, tried to kiss me at one point, suggested that we get in the car and go to my cabin for the night (which only means one thing, but I was so mad at him I couldn't even think about sex) and I just kept telling him to shut up, that I was talking and he was listening. Right in the middle of everything, his bitch of a girlfriend calls. He grabs the phone before I do, but not before I saw who it was. He talked to her for about five minutes when I got a really good idea. He had said to her "I'm sitting in the bedroom - we're talking" and she must have made some gay joke, because Brad said "Fuck you". So I grabbed the phone and said "Sorry dear, Brad's very busy at the moment" and clicked the phone off. At that moment, I realized I didn't know how Brad would react to that. He didn't really. Just kinda looked at me and went "That'll shut her up" I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. Between that and the look on his face, it was just too funny. And you know how it is when you laugh during a fight, all the tension disappears, and no matter how mad I was, I couldn't fight with him anymore. So Drew left sometime while we were in the bedroom, and I drove Brad home. On the way there, I got the thought that maybe we should go to the cabin. It was only 20 minutes away. I barely hinted at it once, and he didn't bite. So I dropped him off, and drove home. I felt pretty good as I drifted off to sleep. But when I woke up this morning, everything came rushing back. I was, and still am, very angry at Brad. I easily could've gotten over him-just him- reading it. But he showed it to other people. That's crossing the line.

And once again, I'm going to plug a Hollywood production. This is yet another cog in the story of Jack and Ennis from Brokeback Mountain. Seriously, my relationship with Brad runs parallel with this story. In the third quarter of the story, Jack (me) betrays Ennis' (Brad's) trust, resulting in a fight. This keeps getting weirder. The only thing that scares me is the end of the story. I won't spoil it for anyone, so go see the movie when it comes out tomorrow. Man, I'm seriously gonna send the production company a bill for all these plugs I'm giving them...

Monday, December 05, 2005

Just a thought...

If anyone is interested in reading some of my early works of erotic fiction, go to:

library.gaycafe.com/nifty/gay and go to the Adult-Friends section, it's a series under the header "Slut Boy & Friends"

Growing a Set

Phew. What a weekend. Might as well start at the beginning: Got home Friday night from work, nobody was there. Obviously, my friends had been there, but they were now gone. Everyone apparently chose not to answer their cell phones, no notes, no voicemails, it was as if they had all disappeared, or didn't want to be found. Either way, I couldn't find my friends on a Friday night. That's like the worse thing that could happen to me. So I got mad. Walked into my bedroom, grabbed a suitcase and threw some clothes in. I called my mother to let her know I was going away for the weekend, and if anybody called asking where I was, tell them you don't know. She agreed (reluctantly) and I was on my way. I have some friends in a city about 2 hours away that I hadn't seen for awhile, and they'd been at me for weeks to come down sometime.

It was a lonely drive - dark, rainy, all the CD's I had in the car were depressing, which was good, considering I was depressed. About half way there, I started to feel bad about leaving and telling nobody. Plus, I had had a bad week at work, and I just wanted to be around my friends. Basically, by "friends" I mean Brad. Now, he and I have an agreement, that whenever one of us feels down or in distress, call the other one, anytime, anyplace, and that person will be there for the other. This has been our agreement for a few years, way before all the secret (awesome) sex. But, lo and behold, Brad wasn't home. Cell was disconnected. So I called his house again and left a message. I never leave a message, unless something is wrong. All I said was "Brad, call my cell", so that no doubt raised more suspicion.

Well, I arrived at my friends' apartment at around 8:30. We sat around for awhile, got caught up, and started thinking about what we were going to do: go to the movies, go to a club, etc. Gradually I started to forget all about my dumb-fuck friends back home. My friend Laine hooked me up with some of her boyfriends' clothes to go out with, as I realized what I had thrown in my suitcase really would fly at the club we were going to. Just as we were walking out the door, my cell rang. Display said "Brad - Home" so with a small jump in my stomach, I answered. He was drunk, but not too drunk. He asked where I was, I told him I had gone missing. He kept asking, I kept telling him the same thing, getting a little pissed off that he was probably just calling because I had left a message telling him to. So I told him that. He sounded a little surprised, and then said "I didn't know you even left a message, you never leave a message." Turns out he had called me because he wanted me to. He was calling to see if I would come over to his house. He and his girlfriend have a new policy where she's not allowed to stay there through the week anymore (they have a "rock-solid" relationship, kinda Love/Hate with an extra side of Hate) and he considers Friday night a weeknight, where it's not quite Saturday... So anyways, he wanted some good ole' man love, but I was two hours away, proving a point, on my way to a club, and I wasn't about to get in the car and drive all the way back home just for him (well, I almost did, but I'm trying this new will-power thing, it's called Growing a Set and Standing Up For Yourself which I've never been particularly good at, but it's workin' this time) So I told him I wouldn't be there, because I was in __________, and I didn't know when I'd be back, but when I got back, we needed to have a little discussion. Which, by the way, we haven't had yet, he had to switch shifts at work so when I'm home, he's not, and vice versa.

So after my emotional detachment, I had some fun. we went to the club, I substituted the usual beer for whiskey, which I also never do, but I needed to blow off some steam. Before I knew it, I had drank 10 whiskeys. And I was feelin' pretty goddamn good. Not drunk, just really good, you know? This girl on the dancefloor kept looking at me. She went from glancing, to fixing, to all-out staring, so I stared back. For probably too long, but hey - 10 whiskeys, come on. So I finally walked over to her, asked her to dance. She accepted, and we danced for probably 4 or 5 songs. Now this girl was hot. (Keep in mind, I'm bisexual, just in case some of you are confused) so right when I got the vibe that she might leave with me, and had brushed my lips by her ear to ask, she sort of half-shoved me away. I looked at her, confused, and she had this scared look on her face. Then she says every guy at the meat market loves to hear, "My boyfriend finally found me". I raised one eyebrow, and slowly turned around, expecting some biker dude named Sledgehammer to be standing there. However, my universe was aligned right that night. This drunk Joe-College type comes staggering up, and barely notices that I'm even there. The girl even gave him this look, like "Dude, you're shitfaced to the point where it's gross" and I thought for a second that she was gonna shove him over and come back to me. She probably would've too, but I heard him slur "Your shishter ish out in the car, and I'm not realllllly shure, but I think she shaid somethin' about Alexsh leaving for good thish time..." So, with a look that said nothing more than "Sorry, hun, but I gotta pull frieght", she and her booze-bag were gone. Just as good a time as any for me to head out too, I guess. Luckily, my friends were ready too, so away we went. Not much more to tell about Friday night, smoked a joint, sat around and talked, went to bed.

Saturday morning, around 11:30, we all went out for breakfast. Then someone suggested maybe doing a little Christmas shopping. The malls were friggin insane so we stayed for half an hour, tops. Suddenly I get the idea that I want a tattoo. Long story short, within an hour, I'm sitting in the most reputable tattoo joint in the city, getting the Mustang running-horse inked on my right shoulder/back. 20 minutes, I was in and out! I figured it would take at least an hour, and it didn't hurt that bad at all, either. So that was my burst of spontanaety for the week. I'm proud of myself. Other than that, we went to see Walk The Line (I'm actually a huge Johnny Cash fan) and it was the best movie I have ever seen in my life. As a matter of fact, I'm taking a few friends from home to see it again tonight. (By the way, there's a really good trailer for Brokeback Mountain before the movie starts too - remember to go see it, it's the unlicensed story of me and Brad) So yeah, anyways. Walk The Line. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are going to win every frigging Oscar there is. Not in their appliccable categories, I mean ALL of them. Best Spanish Movie, Best Animated Feature, all of them. The movie is that good.

I've probably rambled enough for now. I probably should do some work, too... not that I want to, but my computer at home is busted, and if I lose my job, I won't have a computer at all... *shudders* What a world, what a world...

Friday, December 02, 2005

Warning: I'm gonna get a little religious...

Okay. This has been bugging me ever since I heard of it weeks ago. Everyone making a big deal over the word Christmas. Disregarding "Christmas trees" and substituting them for "Holiday trees". Taking Christmas itself, and calling it basically a Generic Winter Holiday for all. Okay, the buck stops here. I'm sorry. I do not intend to offend any non-Christians. However, I AM a Christian. Christmas is NOT a "holiday" for EVERYONE to enjoy. It is for anyone who believes in Jesus Christ to celebrate his birth. Yes folks, Christmas is actually a BIRTHDAY celebration! Not the selfish, commercial, tried-and-true day off work that everyone has come to know and love. I'm sorry, but I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing people of different religions bitch and moan about being offended at the word Christmas because it has the word "Christ" in it. That's life! If you choose not to believe, that's perfectly fine. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and their own opinions. BUT, opinions are like assholes: Everybody has one, but not many people really care to hear it. I totally support the Jewish; Muslim; Pagan; etc... religions, and their respective holidays, but there has to be some give somewhere. If you expect us to recognize YOUR holidays, we're not going to do that by pushing OUR holidays out of the way. Hannukah is not on December 25th. Celebrate Hannukah when it takes place!

Okay, I don't mean for it to seem that I'm pointing fingers, which I'm not (or at least I don't mean to). All I am saying is, Christmas isn't Christmas without Christ. It shouldn't be changed to Winter Holiday. In a weeks' time, I'm going to have the biggest motherfucking Christmas tree in my living room, with gay little Christmas songs playing full blast, and if I can manage it, a huge cross on my front lawn just because it's Jesus Christ's birthday.

Like it or not, life isn't a bowl of cherries. Not everybody can be happy as a pig in shit all the time. There are sacrifices, there are disappointments, and there is such a thing as not getting your own way all the time. People need to live with that so we can all co-exist. Merry Christmas!

Well, now that I've got that outta my system... I guess I should start thinking about what I'm gonna do on the weekend. I tried to call Brad at lunch, but there was no answer. Surely there must be something we could do this weekend that didn't happen last weekend. Almost did, but didn't. We need to start meeting up before 4 a.m. so we can stay awake long enough to get done what we set out to do... ;) Well, I'm sure I'll find him somewhere this afternoon, and figure out a way to get him away from his cranky girlfriend. Not that she has any reason not to be angry, her boyfriend and I are screwing around... heehee.