Anticipation

To start things off, I'm slowly making progress with Brad's cousin, whom I shall refer to as Cuz from now on. Last weekends' plans with him were a bust because his ex-girlfriend was in a car accident and he spent most of the weekend at the hospital with her. Turns out she's gonna be okay so by the first of the week when they released her, Cuz wanted to make up for the lost time.

My cell rang late Monday night, it was Cuz asking how the weekend went, and how he wanted to meet up sometime this week so we could "do something" as he put it. I asked what something was, and he replied with "anything, doesn't matter" so I told him to give me a call whenever; I should be around. About 10:30 Tuesday night, I was sitting on the couch, seriously considering going to bed, when my cell rang. It was Cuz, asking if I was gonna be home, which I was, and he said he was gonna come over for a bit. Normally, had it been almost anyone else, I would have taken a raincheck, but I wanted to see where this could possibly go. I had the house to myself for the night, and he was coming over alone, presumably. However, when he got there, he had his alleged ex girlfriend with him. No biggie, I was disappointed that I wouldn't have the chance to try anything on him, but it was okay. I honestly didn't have the energy to "do" anything as it was. I kept catching Cuz staring at me across the table the whole time they were there, and when he was caught, he wouldn't turn away. I wondered what this was all about but couldn't do much about it. So they stayed for an hour or so, and when they got up to leave, the ex walked out the door first. Cuz was standing kinda behind-beside me, and when he said goodbye, he laid his hand on my back, and then slowly let it trail down to just above my ass, and held it there for a few seconds. I looked at him, and again he was staring at me. He's got the most awesome blue eyes I've ever seen, and I'm a sucker for blue eyes, so I of course stared back, wondering what was going through his mind. He smiled and bent to tie his shoes. I stared at his ass the whole time, which was quite possibly the point of him taking so long, and when he stood up my eyes immediately went to his crotch. There was most definitely something there, evidently of an above-average size. I needed it. I wanted it right then. It took a lot of self-control not to shove him back across the bar in the kitchen, rip his shirt off, yank his pants down and suck long and hard on his big fat cock. It was one of those Scrubs moments, where I could totally visualize that happening while the ex stood in the doorway, waiting for Cuz to drive her home. As I realized that I was having a Scrubs moment, I started to giggle. Cuz asked what was so funny, and I passed it off as being over-tired. He smiled again, said goodbye again, and sadly, did not pat my ass again, and walked out the door. Before he got in the car though, he did ask if we could do something Friday night (tonight) and I said yes, that I was free. He had no idea that I meant I wouldn't charge him for sex...

In other sex-related news, I'm happy to report that Mr. Confused himself, Brad, couldn't contain himself yet again this week. Remember how a month or so ago I was so upset because I couldn't even get the guy to return my phone calls? Well, he's called me every night this week, most times "just to talk" which is totally unlike him. Almost every night he's asked if I was coming over to visit, which I have, and it's been cool. Last night, as I was driving to town for cigarettes, my cell rang. He asked what I was up to, I told him, and asked him the same.

"Not much," he said, "Gonna take the four-wheeler for a drive, maybe find some mud. Wanna come?" He asked.

"Hell yes!" I replied; I hadn't been muddin' for a long time. I quickly changed my clothes before driving to Brad's house. When I got there, he was standing beside the bike, wearing a ripped pair of jeans and an old, tight white t-shirt. Naturally, his sexy John Deere hat was perched atop his head, and he had his work boots on. Yum.

"Ready?" He asked as I got out of the car.

"All set," I replied as I took note of him giving me the once-over. I myself didn't look too bad, in a pair of old jeans I used to wear when I was 17 or 18, so therefore they are about a half-size too small and at the risk of sounding like a flaming queen, make my ass look fan-fuckin-tastic. Just a note that my ass is my favorite physical attribute. It's firm, round, and just damn nice. I'd stare at it all the time if I could...

So we both climb on the bike, Brad driving, me sitting behind him. For those who don't know what a "four-wheeler" is, it's the same thing as a Quad; an ATV; offroad bike, whatever. You sit on it like you sit on a motorcycle, except it has four wheels. And Brad's is big and powerful. The seat rumbles while you ride along, so needless to say, as we drove across his farm, me with my legs wrapped up around his, my hands on his hips, and the vibrations from the motor, accompanied by that sexy bitch with his scent blowing back at me, I was pretty horny by the time we got to the pond at the back of the farm. He stopped and climbed off the bike, myself staying on for a few minutes while I lit a cigarette (read: let my hardon subside).

It was soooo nice out there last night. Away from any other distraction, the pond kinda looks like a bowl - there are slight hills all around it, and in the middle is the pond. There's a flat area around it where there is a picnic table and a few benches, and no one ever comes down here, except us, and Brad's family to fish, whatever. After all it was at the very back of their farm, so probably not many people even know it's there. Brad's dad keeps the grass mowed back there so the place almost resembles a park. It was about 8:00 last night and the sun was just dipping below the surrounding hills, making the sky an awesome shade of pinkish-orange. Brad was sitting on top of the picnic table with his feet on the bench below. I walked over and sat between his legs, facing away from him, looking at the pond. We were just chatting back and forth about nothing in particular. I had even eased off on the sexual thoughts. It was nice, just sitting there, the setting sun warming us both even though the air was cool, takin' it easy. I had laid back a bit so my back was supported by the edge of the table, and Brad placed his hands on my shoulders. For a few minutes, he didn't really do anything, just let his hands sit there. Then he said how nice this was; relaxing and peaceful. I lazily "mmm-hmmm" 'd in agreement, and he slowly started rubbing my shoulders, back and neck. I was now even more relaxed, and Brad had pulled his legs in closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his calves as he massaged away, laying my head back on his crotch. His hands worked their way around to the front of my shoulders, and slowly he pulled my chin up towards him. I opened my eyes to see him bending over to kiss me, upside down. He exhaled through his nose, and the air tickled my neck so I jerked a little bit, and he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.
"Oh. Nothing," I replied, smiling, "just tickled my neck. I wasn't pulling away or anything."
He smiled back, saying "Oh. I was a little confused there for a minute"

I stood up and turned so I was facing him, still sitting on the table. I stepped up onto the bench and pushed him back as I climbed onto the table also. He was still sitting up and I was straddling his left leg. I kissed him back, running my hands across his shoulders and down his back. I pushed myself in closer to him and felt his hard cock pressing against my knee. He lifted his leg a little so it pushed against my dick, which was once again hard as a rock. He moaned softly and then moved his hands down to rub my cock through my jeans. I reciprocated and started moving my hips when he started rubbing harder. He kept kissing me and then he unbuttoned my pants and slid his hand down into my underwear. He wrapped his fist around my cock and slowly but firmly started jerking me off. I sat back a little bit and tried to undo his jeans, but the way my knee was positioned it would have been really awkward trying to jerk him off. Brad must have realized this too and pushed my hand away, saying "this isn't about me. It's all about you." I half smiled, remembering the night at the camp when I had told him the exact thing.

Generally, I'm really picky about someone else jerking me off. I know that sounds retarded, but when I jerk myself off, I do it the same way pretty much every time. Once in awhile I will vary to a different technique, but I know how I like it best, and what does and doesn't feel good. Normally, no one who has ever jerked me off has been overly successful unless it's when I'm right on the edge of cumming, and then it's pretty much a no-brainer. But I have to say, Brad was doing a pretty damn good job at matching what I like done. I had both hands on Brad's shoulders and I was gripping his shirt the longer he went on. I knew I wasn't going to last too long with the way he was going and the load I could feel building, and as I was groaning through clenched teeth Brad started with what was to be the beginning of a good orgasm,

"Yeah you like me jackin off your big fuckin cock, big guy? Look how sexy that fuckin looks, you leakin all over my hand, sliding up and down, you gonna blow your load all over my shirt baby..."

he was grabbing my nuts by now, which really gets me off, and I figured I had about 5 or 6 more pumps before he got what was cumming to him. I started moaning louder and louder as I felt the cum rising up through my body, and I was basically humping his leg as he jacked away.

"c'mon stud, fuckin shoot your hot cum all over me, c'mon lemme have it, blow your load all over my jeans..."

I was panting and pumping my hips back and forth as I felt the first shot blast out and I saw it land right in the middle of his stomach.

"oooohhhhhh yeahh man, fuckin soak me" he hissed with his head thrown back and that fucking smirk on his face. He was still jerking away as I lost another 5 or 6 shots onto his shirt, jeans and hand. He'd wanted to get soaked, and that he did. I fell over onto his shoulder, gasping for breath. My head felt dizzy and I closed my eyes, still bucking my hips a little bit. I grabbed onto the back of his neck and kissed his cheek. He turned his head sideways and kissed me back on the mouth. He tried to hold it but I was still pulling for air so I backed away a bit. I moved my knee and started undoing his jeans again, and again he pushed my hand away. I looked at him, as if to say "What the hell?" I knew he needed it, he'd had a raging hardon this whole time and there was a huge wet spot on the leg of his jeans from him leaking.

"I told you it was all about you tonight." he grinned. "and if you get me off right now, what am I gonna have to think about while I jerk off in the shower?"

I laughed, and said "Shithead, you don't have to jerk off in the shower, I wanna jerk you off right here"

"Well, you're not gonna. And maybe I won't jerk off in the shower. Maybe I won't jerk off at all until the weekend." He said

"Why, what's the weekend?" I asked

"Oh you'll see." was all he said, winking.

"Ohh, I get it. But I hardly believe that you aren't gonna jerk off until the weekend. Fuck you're hornier than I am, and I jerk off almost every day!" I laughed.

"Bullshit, I'll show ya. I'm not gonna tell you when, but I promise sometime before Monday morning you'll know what I'm talkin about," he said, "put that big fucker back in your pants and lets go get dirty"

We stood up, I put my "big fucker" back in my pants, and we jumped back on the bike. We drove around the hill and found a huge mud patch. I was tempted to get him to stop the bike so I could throw him off and totally cover him in mud, but I decided against it since the pond wasn't quite warm enough yet to rinse off in. We spun around for a half hour or so, got a little dirty, and then headed back to his house.

We pulled our boots and jeans off outside the door, and Brad pulled his cum soaked t-shirt over his head. We walked in through the house in just our underwear, our hands and faces dotted with mud. I told him I wanted a quick shower and to borrow a pair of jeans so I wouldn't get my car all dirty, and Brad said he'd bring some in to the bathroom while I showered. I jumped in and started rinsing off and while I was washing the shampoo out of my hair I felt a hand close around my cock. I about half-jumped and opened my eyes, the soap stinging. There stood Brad, grinning from ear to ear, still in his underwear.

"What the hell you doing?" I whispered, "there's people out there!"

"Take er easy, I'm just bringing you some jeans and a towel. Hurry up so I can get in there and clean off. I'm gonna cook us something to eat."

He left and I finished up, grabbing the towel off the rack. I looked on the bench beside the sink, and there laid a pair of clean jeans and a pair of blue boxer briefs. I picked them up to put them on, when I realized they were wet in the front. I was just about to throw them in the dryer when I realized they were the underwear Brad had been wearing while he jerked me off just an hour ago. I grinned and I felt my cock stir a little bit. I slipped them on and threw the jeans on over them and walked out of the bathroom.

After Brad showered we ate and played xBox for an hour or so before I headed home. Neither of us said a word about it until I was walking out the door.

"I'll get those back from you sometime this weekend." He said, nonchalantly.

"Oh? When this weekend?" I asked, grinning.

"Ha ha, nice try. I'm not telling, but you won't expect it. I promise." He said with a smile. He blew me a kiss before he pushed the door closed. I licked my lips and grabbed my crotch, and he laughed. I had to admit, I was about half hard already just thinking about wearing his underwear while the front of them were soaked in his precum. I got about half way home before I realized that I left my dirty clothes at his house. More so, my underwear that no doubt had a decent amount of cum on them. Ah well, I imagine I'll get those back when I get my surprise sometime this weekend. I'll post as soon as I get a chance!

In a van down by the river...

First things first, Brad's sister Megan had her baby at 1:30 this morning, a girl, weighing 6 lbs 8 oz. and both mama and baby are doing great. I had gone to the hospital last night around 7:30 to see Meg and honestly she looked like crap, but most women in labour do, and she had absolutely no problems acknowledging that fact. Somehow, we got a few minutes alone, and it was like one of those cheesy montage moments in the movies, when I looked at her, she was so tired, but excited at the same time, rocking back and forth on the bed, and I just started thinking of everything we had ever done together, since we were kids. I remembered going out to Brad's house when I was 12 and Megan would have been 9, and we teased her so bad because she was a "little sister" and we were too cool to have her around. Then a mutual friend re-introducing us in high school, us joking around, me finally telling her I had feelings for her, the night I kissed her in my old Mustang, totally out of the blue, caught her by surprise, in her driveway, and how she blushed and couldn't stop smiling afterwards. Me calling her constantly from the city when I used to live there, us telling each other we "just had to wait for the weekend and I'd be home" and then forward to the day Brad and I were putting in the new floor at my newly-purchased house last summer. Her and Bitch standing there, both with weird looks in their eyes, and Bitch telling us she knew a big secret about someone as she nodded her head towards Megan, Megan finally telling us after 20 minutes of saying she couldn't, when the words "I'm pregnant" came out of her mouth, my fake smile and the hug I gave her. I hated the asshole she was going with, he was bad news, and at that time she had actually left him (the first time) but I knew deep down she was the girl I wanted to be with and have kids with someday and she just told me something that I didn't want to hear while she was with someone else. Brad just kept saying "I'm gonna be an uncle" and Bitch and Meg leaving to go break the news to her dad, me and Brad walking back inside and my eyes started to tear up; Brad knew exactly why, and he told me he was sorry but now it was time to let her go, even though I couldn't then and I still haven't; flashed through her whole pregnancy, buying things for her and the baby, her laughing and rubbing her belly, bigger by the day; the night we went to see Brokeback Mountain and us joking about her going into labour during the sex scene, her laughing again, God she's ALWAYS smiling and laughing, even when things are shitty; the day she called me at work, she was home alone, and was complaining about pains in her stomach, lasting a few minutes, 15 minutes apart, I informed her they were contractions, and her mom drove her to the hospital. False labour. Last Tuesday night, Meg telling me the doctor's gonna induce her Thursday morning, her calling me yesterday and asking if I was coming to visit her after work, finally me walking in last night, her sitting on her bed, rocking, her eyes heavy and dark, but still smiling in between contractions. This alll flashed through my head as I sat in the ugly blue vinyl chair looking at her. Then the nurse came in and said everyone had to leave, Meg needed her rest, Meg getting fed up with her, telling the nurse "You're the only one in here stressing me out. Get the fuck out." We all laughed, Meg's mother told her to watch it, Meg saying "You wanna piece of me, Ma?" After a few minutes, we all decided she should get some rest, so we started to walk out. I ran smack into Baby Daddy in the hall, and instead of threatening to kill me like he usually does, he smiled, shook my hand, and said "Water-under, big guy. It's a happy day." to which I agreed, shook his hand back, and we both stood there and looked at Meg. We talked for a minute, and I walked back in to tell her goodnight. Once again we were the only ones in there, and when I leaned in to give her a hug, I turned my head to kiss her cheek. She did the same thing at the same time and my lips brushed against hers, briefly. We both giggled, and kept hugging for a second. I let her go, wished her good luck, and told her I loved her. She looked at me, puzzled. I said "Just I love you. Generally." and she smiled. "I'll have someone call you as soon as I have her, I promise. And I love you too." She said. I smiled and walked out. Again I shook B.D.'s hand and wished him luck in the delivery room. Bitch, Brad and I walked down the hall and out the double doors. When we got to the cars, we were all chatting about everything, and Brad asked if I was stopping into his house on the way home, and I said "yeah for a few minutes I guess" and he smiled, getting in Bitch's car.

There were quite a few people there when I got there, as usual, but after we'd been there about 15 minutes, Brad asked me "So what are you up to now?" as he stood alone in the kitchen. I knew immediately something was up. "Not a thing, you?" I asked him back.
"Wanna go for a beer up town?" He asked me.
"If you want to" I replied.

Brad had the courtesy to ask Bitch if she wanted to go, which she didn't, and expressed extreme dismay in the fact that Brad was going to drink a beer. God forbid. She really overreacted, and before we walked out the door, she had the nerve to say "Alright guys, well, see you at five o'clock tomorrow morning, as usual?" and grinned at us. Brad gave her a dirty look, and I started to take a step towards her, but Brad pushed me back out the door.
"She's not worth it, man. She's been acting like a c*nt all day."

So we got in the car, and he proceeded to explain that she has been obsessed with Megan and her baby ever since she pretty much got pregnant, and she was pissed off that Brad's mom had "kicked us all out" and made her go home for the night. She actually expected to be able to spend the night in the hospital room with her! Then on the way home, Brad said something to her about "taking a bullet for any one of his family members" and Bitch said something to the effect of Megan not caring if Brad was at the hospital or not, but it was top priority that Bitch was there. Basically saying that Bitch means more to Megan than Brad does. This is totally rediculous, Brad and Megan have always been sort of the black sheep of the family. The other brother and sister both did good in school, generally were very proper, well behaved children. Brad and Megan were both rebellious, so therefore, had each others' back when their parents started ragging on them. It's true when Brad says he would do absolutely anything for her, and the same goes when Megan says that about Brad. So I think the reason why Brad wanted to get away for awhile last night was because that comment Bitch had made had hurt his feelings, which it would have hurt mine too, especially when she had no right to say something like that.

The thought crossed my mind after we got to the bar, that maybe this was Brad's indication for me to try something. But my better senses got ahold of me and told me to just go with the flow, and try to have a good old fashioned night out. So we drank a few beer, Brad won over $300 on a slot machine (asshole), we ate some food, and then headed out to the car around 11:30. The thought again crossed my mind, but I shook it off. But as we drove along a stretch of trees, Brad says "Turn in the road up here".

"Gotta take a piss?" I asked

"No." He said quietly

So I turned in the road, and drove about 5 minutes, until we came to a small clearing by the river. I stopped and put the car in park. Brad reached over and shut it off, and let his hand fall on the inside of my right thigh. He spoke first:

"You remember that time I told you if I ever wanted a blowjob, that I'd just ask?"

"Yes," I said.

"Well, umm, I'm asking" he said, in such a quiet tone, you'd think we'd never done this before.

I smiled and climbed over the console, straddling him. I found the recliner for the seatback and pushed it all the way down. I laid myself down on top of Brad, pulling his jacket off. I could feel his hardon straining against his pants already, so I figured why keep him waiting? I slid down further so my knees were on the floor of the car, and undid his jeans. I grabbed it around the base and jerked it a few times before licking the tip, running my tongue down underneath the head, and back around again. He moaned and jerked quite a bit when I ran my tongue underneath, so I kept doing this for awhile. He raised his hips up and I slid his jeans off his legs, and that's when I figured out what I was smelling - baby oil. I asked him about it, and he said that he rubs oil on his cock and nuts after he gets out of the shower to "keep things fresh". I laughed, and he asked why I was laughing.

"Because I do the same thing" I said. I dunno, maybe every guy does this; I myself had never heard of it before, just started doing it myself back in high school when I used to bike a lot, so I wouldn't chafe so bad. Then I started picturing Brad in the shower. We had showered together before, but it's different when you think of him in there all alone, when nobody's watching. It's kinkier. I had walked into his bathroom once awhile ago, back when we were still nervous about doing "stuff" together, and I had gathered enough courage to ask if he was "up" for it. I walked in, and pulled the shower curtain back a little bit. He had his back to me, and he was jerking off. I leaned in (he hadn't heard me there yet) so I was right behind his ear and whispered "Save some for me, I've got a job for you later" He jumped a little and turned his head around, smiling that fucking goofy smile that is so goddamn sexy. "If that's supposed to make me less horny, it isn't working" he said back, "let me wash my hair and I'll be right out."

I had a hard time to stop staring at his ass as I turned and walked back out into the living room. Honest to God, the nicest ass I have ever seen.

"I bet you look pretty damn hot, gettin outta the shower, all shiny from the water, standing in the mirror looking at yourself, naked, oiling your cock up, giving yourself about half a hardon just by looking at yourself..." I said to him, making him noticably harder, along with myself. He exhaled and pushed his cock deeper into my mouth, placing his hands on either side of my head. I bobbed up and down for about 5 minutes, slowly working a finger in his ass. He was bucking his hips a little bit, and the deeper I got, the more he moved and groaned. I had him deepthroated when I got all the way in the the third knuckle, and he gasped. I thought he was cumming, but after he gasped he breathed "fuck me. ohhhhh fuck me"and he pulled his cock out of my mouth. I sat back (banging my head on the dashboard, mind you) as he slid his ass out even more on the seat.

"How we gonna do this?" I asked "Buttsex can't be that easy in a car" I tend to use humour in the wrong places from time to time.
"I don't care, just fuck me." He said, jerking his cock

I had some hand lotion in the console, so I grabbed it and coated my cock with it. It was cold. But that didn't matter. I grabbed Brad by the ankles, and placed my cock at his hole, and started pushing. If he wanted to get fucked, I would fuck him. As hard as I possibly could in my car. He gasped and took in a breath sharply, but in no time I was over halfway in. He was groaning again, both in pain and pleasure I imagine, by the time I was all the way in. I let him adjust for a bit, then started thrusting in and out, increasingly faster. I bent over him a little bit, he put his hands on my arms. I was biting my teeth together, moaning also, and I looked down at him. His mouth was about half open, he had this glassy look in his eyes like he was lost somewhere. He felt so warm, almost hot, and he kept letting out those hot short little moans.

"Somethin wrong?" I grunted

"Fuuuuck no. That feels greaaaaat" he said, his head falling back some.

That spurred me on. I planted my hands beside his head on the seatback and started pounding into him harder. He was squeezing his ass tighter all the time, and I knew I wasn't gonna last long. He was breathing heavier now too, and his mouth was still open. I bent down and pushed my mouth against his, and he jerked at the wrong time and I smashed my bottom lip on his teeth. I could taste a little blood, but I didn't care. He grabbed me head from behind and pulled me into him hard. We were both gasping, and I had to keep pulling back for air. Brad was moaning louder, saying "fuck me harder... god your cock feels hard...I'm gonna cum soon" he was running his hand over my head, scratching the back of my neck, biting my ear, still whispering "fuck me" over and over. The windows were all fogged up and it smelled like sex so bad (or good) in there. I could feel myself getting closer by the minute, and just when I thought I might be able to hang on for at least one more minute, Brad pulled that famous trick he does with his ass, where it tightens up and releases really quick, and off I went. The first shot was wicked; I hadn't had time to jerk off for a few days so there was a respectable load being emptied inside Brad. After about the third shot, Brad said "Ohh fuck I'm cummin" and he pulled his shirt up and started furiously jerking his cock. He pumped it about 4 times and started shooting all over his stomach. He let out one final moan, it was high pitched, almost effeminate. He threw his head back and his body was jerking. His assring kept milking my cock which felt awesome, but my knees were starting to wobble. Before his orgasm was completely done, I grabbed him by the hips and slid him up the seat some, so I could get my knees on it better. I laid down on him, my cock still in his ass, as we both caught our breath. He reached over after a few minutes and rolled the window down, giving us some much-needed air. Once again I found myself with my head burind in the crook of his neck. I moved in close enough to kiss him under his ear, and a little around lower by his shoulder. He was still letting out these tiny moans, which were making my cock twitch again, still in his ass. We stayed like that for about 5 minutes, when I finally raised myself up, pulling out of him.

"Goddamn, you really feel empty after that dick comes out, heh?" He asked me, dreamily.

I grinned, "Yeah, but the whole things feels fucking GOOD." He nodded in agreement, and raised his hips up again to pull his pants up. He opened the door and got out, lighting a cigarette. I got out the drivers' side, and walked around to where he was leaning on the fender.

"You ever fucked on the hood of your car?" He asked me

"Yeah, with (my ex)" I replied "My old car, not this one"

"You ever fucked on the hood of this car?" He asked

"No..." I said.

"We'll have to break it in before you trade it this summer" He said, with an evil grin.

"No problem buddy. Let me know when" I laughed back.

He turned towards the open door, and went "Uh oh," so I turned and saw a fairly large cum stain on my passenger seat. "That's probably gonna lower the resale value" Brad said with a laugh.

"Ah, I'll get it out somehow. Just hope no one wants to see it tomorrow" I said.

We climbed back in the car and started towards home. As we turned up his road, he said,

"I got wondering when you were talking about me getting out of the shower..." he paused, "What do you think about when you jerk off?

I thought, what a question to ask someone out of the blue. If he would have asked me while I was fucking him, I probably could have answered it no problem, but my mind went blank. Just then his cell phone rang, it was Bitch, wondering if we were on our way home, and apoligized to Brad about what she'd said before. He asked if she was sorry about what she had said to me before we left the house, she didn't reply. I didn't give a fuck. I'm not one of these people that NEEDS someone to like me.

So as he got out of the car at his place, I leaned over and said goodbye, and that I'd see him tomorrow (today) some time. He leaned back in and said "You never answered my question. Think about it and try to get back to me sometime this weekend. G'night stud." he said and blew me a quick kiss. I smiled and said goodnight back, and in the house he went.

So once again, I had an upbeat drive home, and had no problems going to sleep once I got there. I left the wondows down in the car all night to let it air out, and put some stain remover on the seat (lol) Worked like a charm, by this morning, you couldn't even tell anything was ever there. So I'm leaving work in about 15 minutes to go see the new baby, and maybe, just maybe we might have a repeat performance of last night. Although, Brad's cousin (the one I said I was gonna find out just how hung he was) called me this afternoon and said he wants to do something tonight. No problem, I've definitely got something he can do. ;)

Have a good weekend, try to post Sunday and let you all know what happened...

Me = Lazy

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Been very busy at work and after work all week, but I promise a good long post soon - I have a few interesting tales for y'all. Keep checkin' back!

Sweet, sweet release

Well first off I'll start with a brief re-cap of my weekend. A bunch of us hung around Saturday playing playstation, for lack of anything better to do, drank a few beer, hung out. Brad also indulged in a few beer, which his brother and I watched carefully, somewhat disapproving. But we thought we'd give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he could just drink socially. (Turns out he could, and did pretty good. He only had like 3 or 4 all afternoon/night) But around 10:00 or so, he decided to lay off for awhile so he could drive us around later. We went out to a few bars, finally making our ways home around 3:30. When we got to Brad's, Bitch was waiting up for him. She knew somehow (probably from Brad's brother) that he had been drinking. Keep in mind, he was by no means drunk, but she felt the need to initiate a shouting match at his parents' house at this wee hour. So naturally, out of anger towards her and general annoyance that she wasn't getting the hint that he didn't want her there, he shouted back. His parents got up, it wasn't cool. I was glad Drew was driving me home. Home is where I went, to my bed, and passed out until 2 Sunday afternoon.

Sunday was a lazy day, didn't really do anything. Got a flat tire on the car, realized I hate my car more than anything else, and can't wait much longer before I buy a new one. Yes, I am very materialistic. I need new things to make me happy, and I get especially pissy if I lose something I like very much. Which brings me to my next point.

Last night I took a drive out to Brad's to see what he was up to. After the weekend, all the tension seemed to have dissolved between us, so I thought we'd just hang out. Plus, my bike has been sitting in his barn for 2 years, and my legs need some work before summer. When I got out there, I discovered that he wasn't there; he'd gone to town with Bitch. But his sister was there, so we talked for awhile about how she still hasn't had her kid, is in misery, is past her due date, and is basically sick of being pregnant. So after a half hour or so, I said I was going home.

Still with no idea what to do, I discovered that my roommates had bought Jarhead on DVD, and I hadn't seen it yet. I've wanted to see it since it came out in theatres, but never had the time to go. So around 9 last night, I popped it in. About half an hour in, my cell phone rings.

Brad Cell

So I picked it up and said hello. He replied, asked what I was doing. I said watching a movie. He asked who all was there, and I said just me. Melissa and the little guy flew out to her grandmothers' for the week, and Steve was working all night. He said cool, that he'd probably be down in a little bit. Then he hesitated. "Is that alright?" He asked timidily, for some reason.

I laughed a little, and said yes, that it was fine.

So Bitch's car drove in the driveway half an hour later, and I was kind of disappointed. But then I saw headlights leaving again, as Brad walked through the door.

"What a fucking bitch" he said, grinning.

I laughed, and asked what that was all about. He said they had gotten in another fight about him having a few beer the other night, and said she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Which she says everytime they fight, and 3 days later they're back together again. But this time, Brad thought he'd humour her, and said fine, if you don't want to be around me, let me out of the car. So thats when he called me and she drove him down. I laughed and sat back down to watch the rest of the movie. Brad had only seen half of it so we both sat there for the next hour or so and finished the movie. When it was over, I asked if he wanted me to drive him home, or if he was just going to sleep here tonight. He said it didn't matter, I probably didn't want to drive all the way to his house at this time of night anyways. I said I didn't care, whatever he wanted. That's when he walked over to the couch and said

"I think you probably know what I want. I'm guessing that you want the same thing?"

Talk about being blindsided. We'd had our talk about how we weren't going to do this anymore, much to my disappointment, but I thought whatever made him happy, I could deal with. This was just a bonus!

So I stood up and looked him straight in the eye. "Are you SURE you want to? If you're not, we don't have to" and he grabbed me by the shoulders and said "I haven't gotten laid in almost 3 weeks. No one's gonna come in here tonight?" to which I replied no, Steve would be working until at least noon the next day. Brad said good, and started walking towards my bedroom.

I locked the door and turned out all the lights. When I got to my bedroom, he was sitting on the bed with that infamous grin.

"FUCK I'm horny" he said, with enthusiasm. I grinned and said "Me too. It's about fucking time you came around." He jumped up and pulled my shirt off. He dropped down on his knees and started unbuckling my belt, and when hy unbuttoned my jeans, the buckle swung around and caught him in the cheek. I giggled, and he grinned and yanked the belt completely off. When he yanked my jeans down and started going for my underwear, I grabbed his wrists and pushed him back. He stood up and pushed me back on the bed, much like I had done to him the first night. He yanked his shirt up over his head, and dropped his jeans. Leaving his underwear on, he climbed up on the bed, straddling my legs with his. He came all the way up to the bottom of my ribcage, when he looked down and said "If you want it you're gonna have to get it yourself"

I love how he always thinks he challenging me with stuff, and I always end up turning the tables on him. So I reached under his ass and lifted him up a good 6 inches, pushing his crotch towards me. While holding him up, I craned my neck and bit the waistband of his boxer briefs and pulled them down. His 3/4 hard dick popped out, and I let the waistband go. I pushed his ass up a little more, and took the head into my mouth. Fuuuck, I forgot how good he tasted. He moaned, and pushed himself a little further down my throat. After a minute, he repositioned so he was on his knees, pumping his cock in and out of my mouth. He wasn't kidding when he said he was horny, he was leaking and moaning like he usually doesn't do until after at least an hour. That's when I remembered that this was only the second time we'd done this sober, and his lasting power probably wasn't as good. So I popped him out of my mouth and pushed him back onto the bed. I climbed up his body like he'd done to me, and when I straddled his chest, I pulled my underwear down, grabbed my dick, and said "Suck it baby", all the while trying to replicate his sexy-as-fuck grin.

He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue way out, and I slapped my cockhead off of it. I left it there for a few seconds and he licked up the underside and around the tip. I let my hands fall to his nipples, and he moved his right hand up to me, jerking me off as he sucked. I let my head fall back, as he had not lost his cock-sucking talents. I could feel him moving his hips up and down, so I reached behind myself and got his hardon in a tight grip, and started pumping at it slowly. He was thrusting his hips up into my hand in no time, all the while sucking me harder and harder. Finally he let my dick fall out of his mouth, looked up at me, and said "I need to fuck you"

I was more than happy to oblige, so I climbed off him as he sat up. He remembered where the lube was, and squirted a large amount into his hand. After he had us both ready to go he flipped me over onto my stomach. I braced myself because I knew what kind of a mood he was in, and he wasn't going to waste any time. Sure enough, he didn't, and I had to grit my teeth for a few minutes. I was just about to tell him to take it easy when he actually slowed down on his own, and the pain started to go away. We finally found our rhythm, and he started to speed up again. He was groaning and thrusting harder and harder into me everytime, almost pulling completely out and slamming back in. We hadn't fucked in over a month, and even then, I had fucked him, so I had started to forget just how good it actually felt.

Brad had both hands on my hips, pushing me away when he pulled out, and pulling me back into him when he shoved his cock back in me. The heat in the bedroom was on, and Brad must have turned it up even more because it was hotter than Hell in there. We had both started to sweat and I was dying to be able to see him, all shiny and wet, his teeth bared and his eyes screwed shut. I loved it when his hair dampened and stuck to his forehead. By now he had bent over my back, clawing at my shoulders, and ramming his cock into me even harder. The bed was moving and the headboard was banging against the wall. I felt him kiss my shoulder, then I felt his tongue in the same spot. Just as I was wondering what he was licking, I felt his hot breath on my right ear.

"Fuck your tattoo looks sexy" He hissed.

I wondered why he was just saying this now, as I got my tattoo around the first of December, and he'd seen it many times since then. I didn't think any more of it though. He kept kissing and licking it, still clawing around the front of my shoulders, still about half pile-driving my ass. Suddenly I became very aware of every sensation around me. That sounds like a real hippie thing to say, but it was like a rush or something. All of a sudden, his cock felt 10 times better inside me, his nails digging into my shoulders, his teeth and tongue on my back and shoulder, his wet hair brushing against my neck, his heat all over me, his moans, sometimes soft and sometimes louder, the occasional "holy fuck", his breath... God, it's gettin me hard just thinking about it again...

He thrusted once so hard he pushed me over flat onto my stomach. He snaked his hand under me and grabbed my cock, ginding his cock into me slower, his head still in the crook of my neck. He spread my legs out wider with his own, and started pumping me harder again. This new angle brought more and better sensations, and I started lifting my ass up to meet him. I was begging him to fuck me harder still. We'd been goin at it for about 45 minutes, and between that and the fact we hadn't fucked for so long was making me want to get off so bad. I just kept saying "harder harder" over and over again, a little louder every time, until I was practically screaming it at him. Every time I said it, he would go harder, so by now we were all out banging and it felt so fucking good. I could feel every inch of his body on me, every inch of his cock in me, then pulling all the way out and slamming back in. I could feel my nuts tighten up and I knew I had about 10 seconds. He grunted 3 or 4 times before I heard him say through clenched teeth "I'm fucking cumming baby" and then slam into me one last time.

I felt myself go over the edge first, blowing the biggest load into Brad's hand and onto the bed under me. My head immediately started spinning and I could see stars. I let out a loud growl about the same time I felt him explode in my ass, and start moaning louder than I think I have ever heard him before. I felt numb all over, but I could feel a good 6 or 7 shots inside me as he grinded himself into me. We were both so out of breath and my throat was so dry, but I couldn't move. Brad had collapsed back on top of me, and then I felt his arms run up my side, and pull my arms up over my head. I laid my head back down onto the bed, and I felt him kiss the back of my neck. He laid his head down again on my right shoulder, his mouth right by my ear.

"fuck that was awesome" he whispered, and bit my earlobe.

"mmm hmm" was all I could manage.

We laid there long enough for me to almost fall asleep, until I felt him twitch and start to move off of me.

"You just wanna stay here tonight?" I asked him

"I would but I gotta help dad in the morning down back with something. I disappeared on him today with [Bitch] so I should be there in the morning when he's ready." He replied

"Okay" I said. I understood, plus I was at his house when his dad came back from doing whatever it was he was supposed to have Brad's help with, and he didn't seem happy. So we got out of bed, and we threw our clothes back on. The drive back to his house all I could think was him regretting this, and he must have read my mind, because he said "I really am sorry for being a dickhead lately. I just needed some time to focus on everything, but I promise I'm all good now. That [meaning what we had just done] was proof I think" he said, and laughed.

I smiled at him and said yes, that everything was cool again. He put his hand on the inside of my right thigh for the rest of the drive, and when we puled in his driveway he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. He got out, and said thanks for driving him home.

"No problem," I said "Don't be a stranger..."

He leaned back in the open door, grinning, "Don't worry, I won't be. G'night. baby." and winked at me. He shut the door and walked towards the house. I started at his ass all the way until he walked in the door. I was on could nine all the way back to my house, and when I fell back into my bed, albeit cum and sweat soaked, I had no trouble falling quickly asleep.

Broken, but not destroyed...

Last time I posted, I told y'all about how I had talked to Brad about what had been happening, not happening, etc. and asked that he remember that I was his friend after all, and to call me once in awhile. As sincere as he sounded when he said he was sorry, by Saturday night I still hadn't heard anything from him. I tried as best I could to brush it off, and went out with some friends to a bar.

After we'd been there for about an hour, Brad walked in with his cousin and brother. I was kinda shocked to see him there, considering he had quit drinking, but I soon found out that he was the designated driver for his two drunken relatives. I walked up to him and asked if he'd come outside for a cigarette with me. He said yes, and we went out to the front balcony where no one ever goes unless it's summer. We weren't out there maybe 3 minutes, just starting to have a conversation, when like 7 or 8 people came out onto the balcony. That ended our conversation, so I just walked back inside.

After a few hours had gone by, and Brad hadn't said another word to me, I (along with the help of probably a little too much alcohol) cornered him in by the pool table. I told him that I was coming to his house the next day, and we were going for a drive. He gave me a funny look and said,

"...no... what? Why?"

"Because I wanna know what the hell is going on with you. This shit has gone on long enough, man." I said to him.

"What do you mean?? What do you think is going on? There's NOTHING." He said.

I was too drunk and frusterated to argue with him anymore so I just told him that I'd talk to him tomorrow when we both had clearer heads. He said that yes, that was probably a good idea, and I walked away. Despite the almost-fight, we were somewhat friendly with each other for the rest of the night. His brother and cousin ended up having to be guided to the car; I was one of their guides. I'm 99.9% positive Brad's cousin was trying something with me, which wouldn't be the first time he's "tried something" with me, and I don't know why I don't just jump him one of these times. Rumour has it he's hung like an elephant, and I'd be curious to know for myself. Plus, he's pretty good looking. About 6'1", probably a body fat percentage of 0.003%, a little too skinny for my taste, but built nice nonetheless, and like I say, I have yet to find out about the goods down below, but give me time...

I ended up not getting to bed until 6:00 Sunday morning, so I slept until about 12:30, got up, showered, and headed down to Brad's. The closer I got, the more pissed off I got. Why, I don't know, I guess I was just confused as to why he wasn't talking to me, and I'd let myself worry about it for too long. I was hoping that no one else was there when I got there, but that wasn't the case. His whole family and a few of our friends were all standing around talking. So I decided to stay anyways, and the day went pretty good. After about 3 hours or so, everyone had left or gone inside, and Brad and I were standing out in the driveway having a cigarette. I asked him when we were going for our drive, and he said, kind of snappy,

"What do you want to go for a drive for?"

I could feel my face start to get hot again with anger, but I forced it back down.
"I told you last night, I wanna know what the deal is with you. I've barely seen you in 5 weeks. When I talked to you last week, you said you were sorry and you'd call and we'd do something Friday night. You didn't. You barely spoke to me last night--" which is where he cut me off.

He said my name as he grabbed both of my shoulders. "You worry too much." He said, sort of smiling.

I smiled back a little, and said "Well yeah, a guy kinda worries when his best friend doesn't speak to him for over a month, Brad!"

"I'm not not-talking to you, I just don't do anything anymore. I haven't called you to go do something because I don't do anything. I work, play hockey, sleep, go back to work. My whole life revolved around drinking for so long and now it doesn't anymore. I know we used to go out all the time. We used to go out drinking." He explained.

"I know that, but just because you don't drink anymore doesn't mean we still can't hang out and do stuff together. You know what? When you quit drinking, I thought I'd quit too, just to see how easy it was to go without it." I told him.

"What'd you do that for? You're not the alcoholic. How would that be the same?" He asked me.

"It's not the same. But I did it. Sure, I was drinking last night, and I've had drinks before then too, but I did it for awhile." I said.

He nodded. Then I asked him why he was so persistant in not wanting to go for a drive.

"I thought you wanted to go for a different kind of drive." He said sheepishly.

That's when I remembered when we first started our little "thing". Whenever either of us wanted to go, we'd just say "Let's go for a drive" and we'd both jump in the car and take off for a few hours, the night, however long it took. As I thought about that, it felt like so long ago. That's when I realized that Brad was trying to steer his life back on course, and no matter how much I hated to admit it, us hooking up was a direct result of his drinking. I could tell by the way he looked at me when he said the thing about "the different kind of drive" that he was trying to tell me something. So, I bit the bullet and decided that it would probably be easier on us both if I brought it up. I pulled him a little closer to me so I wouldn't have to talk so loud. Not like there was anyone even remotely near us, but it just felt more comfortable. That's when I started saying what I never ever thought I would say to Brad:

"About that. I think I know what you're trying to say. And it's okay. I know where you're at, and I know what "us" was all about. I think that might have had something to do with the bullshit between us lately. Am I right?" I asked him.

"Well... yeah. I just didn't know how to say it so I thought I'd just let it be." He said quietly.

"Well Brad, you can't just let something like that "be". But, if that was the source of the problem, then consider the problem fixed." I said.

"You know you can't just do that. I know you, all too well, and no one can just stop something like that. I'm gonna ask you something once and I'm going to believe whatever answer you give me. Okay?" He asked.

"Okay." I replied.

"Hmmm..." He stalled "Are you, or were you, in love with me?"

My heart, I KNOW, lodged itself in my throat. This was the question I'd been asking myself for months now, not sure of the answer myself, and he had hinted around at it before, but had never actually said it. Now he had. This was D-Day. The moment of truth. Given what had happened, and what was happening at the moment, I decided to tell him exactly what I knew would be the only thing that could salvage a long, old friendship.

"No. I don't. I never have been. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I never got that far into it." I was lying through my teeth. I knew as soon as I heard myself say it out loud that I wanted all of him so bad, but that once again, I wanted something that I could not have. My face was frozen in an emotionless state, like someone who really wasn't in love, but inside, I felt like I was being ripped apart.

Brad spoke first. "Okay. I said I was only going to ask once, and believe whatever you told me. And I believe you." When he said those last 4 words, he gave me that look that I'd seen a million times before. The look that says, bluntly, "I hear what you're saying, but I know what you really mean." He had given me that look probably the second time we went to the camp. I told him I wanted to take a drive out to make sure everything out there was okay, and he gave me that look.

So I smiled at him, realized that my hands were on his shoulders and his were on mine, and said "Okay, well that's outta the way then." And I let go of him and took a step back.

"You okay?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I wasn't fine. I just wanted to run to the car and get the hell out of there. I had just lied to him, and myself, about the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my life. But it was either that, or tell him the truth. And I knew what the truth would bring. It's like I said to my ex-girlfriend when we realized that we couldn't be together anymore, I'd rather us be just friends than nothing at all. And that's what I wanted with Brad. We've been friends forever, best friends for the past 4 years, and I wasn't willing to risk that for something I knew wouldn't ever work out. Both of us are way too fucked up for something that big to work.

As I tried to maintain my expression of being "fine", I said that I was gonna take off and get some supper. I took another step back and he took a step towards me. He grabbed my jacket and pulled me into him, and started to kiss me. Just as I found myself starting to kiss him back, I (gently) pushed him away.

"No," I said, "Now we can just let it be." My breath felt like it had been cut off, and I felt the waterworks start to come to the surface. I turned away from him, said something about being starved to death, had to go eat something, and made it almost to the car.

"You wanna come back here after you eat? We're gonna watch a movie." He called out to me.

I stayed turned away from him, "Who's 'we'?" I asked.

He named off himself, Bitch, and his sister. I said that yeah, I'd be back in a couple hours. I got in the car, which involved turning back towards him. I didn't look up until I was actually in the car. He was standing by the corner of the barn with his hands in his pockets just looking at me. He knew exactly what my story was, how I felt, he probably even knew I was starting to cry. I blinked one tear away and smiled at him through the window. I waved as I backed out, he waved back, smiling half-heartedly. As soon as I was out of sight of his house, I let out a big sigh and braced myself for the imminent collapse.

But it didn't happen. As soon as I let that sigh out, all I could think about was how we'd had it out, over everything that was bothering me. He'd been right, I do worry too much; he'd told me that before, and he's right. A lot of people tell me that. Sure, I'd lied to Brad when he asked if I was in love with him, but believe me, no matter how descriptive I get with my writing, no one knows the exact situation but Brad and I. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. Part of me could only think about how we weren't gonna have sex anymore. But the other part of me, the bigger part, realized that that was just sex. I can have sex with anyone. I liked having sex with Brad, but I wasn't going to be anymore. Overall, that was a minor detail. At least we could be friends again. He'd already taken the first step there, by inviting me down later that night. I could tell by the way he said it, that he wanted me to come back, genuinely. He'd said it the same way when he asked me to come to his house on Christmas Day.

All I could think about the rest of the way to town was all the good memories I had of him. Even though he was drunk in most of them, they were still good memories. Some of them weren't even about the sex. Just us hanging out. I smiled, listened to songs that reminded me of us hanging out last summer, stupid songs like Hollaback Girl. That song was just really catchy, and really popular last July when Brad and I were working on my house all the time. I'd burnt a CD around that time, and I found it in my car, so I listened to it. I remember I drove him crazy because I just played that CD over and over again for almost a week straight while we were putting down new floor, painting, whatever. By the time I got to town, I was almost laughing out loud thinking of all the stupid shit we did. After I ate, I went for a quick run, showered, and headed back down to Brad's house. I felt 300% better about everything. Still a little bummed that I wasn't gonna get to bang his ass anymore, but I'll get over it. Like I said, his cousin is back in town for a month or so, so I could set my sights on him. I've heard rumours for 4 or 5 years now that he's bi, so chances are, given the rumours and the way he acts around me every other time he sees me, he is. We'll give it a try sometime anyway. When I have more time I'll tell you about the other times he's hit on me and you can let me know what you think his deal is.

So like the title says, I'm a little smashed up, but not a total write-off. I'm a bold faced liar, but when a friendship like ours is at stake, I don't care what I am. I'll be alright, hell I feel alright now! Sex is important to me, sure, but it's not the most important thing in my life. Brad knows I lied to him, but he and I both know that things work better this way. And right now, that's the most important thing to me.