A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Friday, January 27, 2006


Hell yeah. Best lunch break I've had in a long time.

Brad came up last night, and drank a few too many beer, and decided that he shouldn't chance the drive home (gasp!) so he crashed on the couch. He was still asleep this morning when I got up to go to work, and I tried to call around mid-morning, and there was no answer. But when I went home for lunch, his vehicle was still in the yard. So I went inside, and he was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly I heard his throat clear, and it sounded like it was coming from my bedroom. So I walked in, and there he was laying in my bed, awake, grinning. I smiled at him and asked what he was doing. He said that since he had passed out last night, he didn't get a chance to re-run what happened last week. I asked if that's what he wanted to do now, expecting him to say no, because he wasn't drunk anymore, and that's when he pulled the blankets back. Yep, he was definitely ready to go. He jumped up, and started pulling my shirt off. I let him start to undress me, and then he asked how long I had for lunch. I told him an hour, and he said as horny as he was right now, an hour was plenty of time. By this time, he was more or less tearing my clothes off, and in no time, we were on the bed, me on top. Then he flipped me over, was kissing my neck, biting my chest, going right to town. He pulled my legs up, and started to push in. I said "Whoa, we need some assistance there" and he reached into my bed table to get the lube. Boom, 1 minute later, he was all the way in. This was all so spontaneous that it didn't hurt a bit. It was kinda exciting, me coming home expecting to have some food and go back to work. But now, at 12:15 here I was laying in my bed, getting fucked.

Brad was laying completely on top of me, holding my hands (again) and the thought of the handcuffs went through my head again. Nah, not enough time. I wanna have lots of time when we use those. It was hot, heavy, and fast. There was no slow movement. He was thrusting, moaning, and sweating, as was I. After probably a good 10 minutes, I could already feel his muscles tensing up, and I knew by the way he was breathing that he was getting close. He pushed his lips against mine, hard enough for it to hurt a little, and he held it for a good 10 seconds. Then, he pulled back, pulled out, and flipped me over. He was back in in no time, thrusting harder again, my cock grinding into the mattress. He had my shoulders in an iron grip, pulling me back into him. He laid down on my back, and grabbed my cock. He pumped it hard and fast, and growled into my ear that he was cumming. After one quick twist of his wrist, I said I was cumming too, and we both went over almost at the same time. He was still laying on me when I collapsed back down onto the bed, and we both laid there for a good 5 minutes. I moved my head around to look at the clock


Booya. Only been home for 25 minutes, had some sex, still had time to eat! I told Brad I needed to shower, and he rolled off. I asked if he wanted to get in too, and he said he needed to take a breather for a minute. So I jumped in the shower, and within 2 minutes, the curtain opened, and in stepped Brad. I soaped up and rinsed, then started soaping up his back. After about 5 minutes, we had done what we needed to do, and I stepped out. Brad said "So you probably don't have time to go again, do you?"

I grinned and said that no, I had to be back at work in 15 minutes. I dressed quickly, grabbed a quick sandwich, and started to walk out the door. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, and laid one hell of a liplock on me.

"Thanks" he said when he finally broke the kiss.
"No problem, anytime" I replied.

"I'm gonna disappear for the afternoon so you-know-who can't find me. I'll call your cellphone at 5 when you get done work, and I'll tell you where I am. You'll come pick me up?" he asked

"Yeah, no problem. There someplace you wanna go tonight?" I said

"Don't matter, I'll call you at 5, I'm sure we can find something to do" he said with a wink.

I smiled and walked out the door.

"Lock the door when you leave, eh?" I said

"Yep, hope I made your afternoon a little better" Brad said

Yes you did, Brad. Indeed you did. The weekend ain't lookin' too bad either.

Friday, January 20, 2006

So far Ang Lee and Rob Thomas are on my side... thanks guys!

These are the lyrics to Rob Thomas' new single, Ever The Same. I've liked this song since it came out, but never quite caught all the words to it. I looked them up today, and here they are. This sounds a lot like what I'm experiencing right now...
We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Thursday, January 19, 2006


I really don't know why I came into work today. I didn't go to bed until 5 a.m., got up at 7, chipper as ever. I had a coffee, showered, and headed out to work. Sounds just like every other morning, minus the two hours of sleep, but this morning was different. I woke up next to Brad.

He was in a good mood last night, we met at a friends' house, sat around for awhile, and when we got ready to go, we discovered that Brad's ride had left without him. No problem, I have to drive by his house to get home anyways, and I really wouldn't have minded going out of my way. So we're almost to his house when he asks if he can crash on my couch. Apparently he and his dad had gotten in a fight earlier and he didn't want to go home (Yes, Brad is 23, and has every right to move out on his own. He lacks ambition here.) So I said yes, he could.

When we got to my house, Brad said that he wanted to play Xbox, so we went into my room and started playing hockey. After about an hour of me getting my ass kicked, I decided enough was enough, and if he had ulterior motives, I was gonna lay 'em out. No pun intended. I shut off the Xbox, turned to him, looked him straight in the eye, and said

"I told you before and I'll tell you again, if you wanna get laid, just say so. I can't read minds."

Blank stare. For a second I thought "Uh oh..." but then he kinda smiled. An improvement. Then he grabbed my crotch. A VAST improvement! I was on my knees in front of him, so I moved up a bit and straddled his thighs. He was wearing that goddamned black spandex insulator shirt, that when you take it off, the static electricity is unreal. However, neither of us thought of this, so when I yanked it up over his head, and his face comes towards me, and his lips meet mine, needless to say sparks flew. That damned well hurt, let me tell you. So for the next 2 or 3 minutes, we had a small fit of laughter, where I kind of sat back on my knees a little bit. Apparently, this was the prone position Brad had been waiting for. He grabbed my arms and pushed me onto my back. He crawled on top of me, and started removing my pants. In no time he was going to town on my dick, and doing a (yet again) even better job than last time. He had me deepthroated, doing crazy wonderful things with his tongue. His hands were running up my stomach, down my sides, and then pulling my legs further apart. Usually it takes me awhile to get off from just getting head, but whatever he was doing was getting the job done quicker than I wanted. I finally had to push him off, or I was gonna blow. He sat up, and asked if he could fuck me. I said yes, but we had to be quiet because my roommates were there. He had just started putting on some lube when he stopped, and said he wanted me to fuck him instead. I said alright, so we started at it. You never really know just how loud your bed squeaks until you're trying to be quiet. Brad, who is usually pretty quiet, was having a hard time not moaning, so I had to get a little rough with him. The TV was only gonna drown out so much of the sound, so I shoved his head down into the pillow. He seemed to like this, so I started thrusting harder, still holding him down. He was in the doggie position, and suddenly his knees gave out, and he fell flat on his stomach. I fell with him, and held his arms down with mine. He started rotating his hips, which I like verrry much, and he whispered he was getting close, and for me to cum in his ass. Just before he came I flipped him over onto his back - I couldn't help it, his face looks so hot when he comes. His jawline tightens up, his teeth clench, and his eyes squint almost shut. He wrapped his legs around my ass, and pulled me in tight to him. I had let his arms free, and his hands were now around my neck. He hissed that he was cumming, and as soon as I saw the first shot come out, and his ass tighten up, I went over the edge too. He tightened at just the right time, and a small cry flew out of my mouth. I dropped my head on his left shoulder, and about mid-orgasm, I heard him say "Ow" and I realized that I was biting his shoulder, enough to leave a mark. When it was all over, I was panting, and he was letting out small gasps. I was still in him, and his legs were still around me. He'd moved his hands to the side of my face and kissed me, just a small peck. I rolled off of him, and we laid there for 5 or 10 minutes. I told him not to bother sleeping on the couch, he wasn't going anywhere. He smiled and rolled on his side towards me. I leaned over and gave him another kiss, this time slipping him a little tongue. He kissed me back, and whispered "goodnight". He fell right asleep, and I couldn't have been much further behind him.

When my alarm rang this morning at 6:45, I still have no idea why I got right out of bed and started getting ready for work. Everytime I came back into the bedroom, I would have to stop and look at him sleeping. Right before I left, he opened his eyes, and asked me if I had time to drive him home, that I probably didn't want him there when I wasn't. I said I didn't care, for him to sleep, and that I'd be down at lunch. He grinned, and said that my bed was the most comfortable bed he'd ever slept in and that he was never getting out of it. I smiled and said "Yeah I know" while thinking "hmm, I think I could live with that idea..."

So with a half an hour left on the clock before lunch, his girlfriend calls me. She asks if he stayed at my house last night; I said no. She said okay, and that was the end of that conversation. About 2 minutes later, Brad calls from my house to say that she had called there, and he chose not to answer it, with a laugh. Then he said "See you at noon, I have something here you need to see"

So now I'm curious... I'll let you know ;)

Friday, January 13, 2006

I don't know whether to wind my ass or scratch my watch...

Horrible title, I know, but hey. There's no better way to describe it. Believe it or not, I'm not going to ramble on about Brad for once. Although I'd like to, because he's been about as clear as mud lately, but I'll spare you for now.

Four and a half years ago, in the fall of 2001, I moved to a city about 2 hours from where I live now. It's a small city of about 50,000, and the main attraction there is the university. So naturally, most of my high school friends moved there also. One girl in particular, Jessie, also went along. Jessie and I had had an on-again-off-again relationship all thru school, but we'd always remained good friends. So Jessie's roommate in her dorm was this girl named Sarah. If I had ever believed in love at first sight, it was with Sarah. She was gorgeous, long blonde hair, big blue eyes, always with a smile on her face. She was the perfect image of my ideal girl. Honestly, the first time I met her, I couldn't stop staring at her. Sure, she had a boyfriend, and man, was her ever a dick. He was even mean to her. He was one of these "Joe-College" types with an attitude problem like you wouldn't believe. So one night, he said something to the effect of her getting fat since high school, and it caught her the wrong way and she started to cry. After listening to this guy for a month, I'd had enough. I asked him what his problem was, he asked me what business of mine it was, long story short, he got his ass kicked.

Valuable lesson #1: Don't ever fuck with the Country Boy. Guaranteed he has better fighting skills than any Trust-Funder from the suburbs.

So anyway, by the next weekend, they had broken up (the first of many breakups, so I would learn) and she was all bummed out for the first week. The second week, however, she came around a lil' bit. This happened to be the week of their Residence Formal. I,of course, was Jessie's date, and Sarah was going with some guy she had gone to school with. We all went to dinner before the party, and Sarah's date turned out to be gayer than a fairy on exstacy, so no problems there. (Sidenote: I was so preoccupied by Sarah at this point in my life, I wasn't much into guys at the time) So the party went well, and we all headed back to campus. By this time (mid-year) Sarah and Jessie had both switched to single rooms so they could have more room. A few of us sat around in Jessie's room for awhile and drank, and then I called a cab to take me home. When I walked out Jessie's door, I remembered that I'd left my jacket in Sarah's room when we'd been there earlier. When I went in, she was sitting at her computer with this weird look on her face. She then told me that her ex-boyfriend had broken in to her email account, read everything from everyone, and then sent her a very nasty message about what she's said about him. It was probably kinda wrong on my part, but I comforted her. The guy was an ass, and even though they'd broke up, he still wouldn't leave her alone. So after talking for about half an hour, one thing led to another and I kissed her. Or she kissed me. One of the two. We wound up on her bed, petting, rubbing, kissing, removing clothes. I was the man that night. I'd wanted her for months now. We'd flirted back and forth, caught each other staring, the whole bit, and it was all worth it for that night. Nothing went wrong, no one chickened out or said that we shoudn't be doing this. It just happened, for at least 2 hours, and it's chance to say it was probably in the top 5 best lays I've ever had. After we finished, she asked if I'd stay the night with her. I did, and the next morning when we woke up, we both realized that someone was gonna have to deal with Jessie. Turns out it wasn't as bad as we'd thought.

That next week, my work sent me away to upgrade my training, so I never got to see her. I think she had midterms too, so we never talked. When I got back the following weekend, I found out her ex had professed his undying love for her, repented, etc etc etc. It was disgusting. But I was a young guy in a university town. Plenty of fish in the sea. Sarah and Dick ended up ultimately breaking up for good about a year later, and I thought I was totally over her. Well, honestly, I thought she was just a girl that I'd scored with. But after I'd moved home 2 years ago, I found myself thinking about her all the time. Whenever I'd go back to the city, I would crash at Jessie and Sarah's apartment, and we'd always joke about hooking up again, since neither of us were seeing anybody. It happened once, it was just as good as the first time, but again, nothing came of it. After awhile, I discovered that she could have been the girl. She was perfect. I could find no flaws in her anywhere. Unfortunately for me, sometime in the past year, someone else also realized this, and he proposed to her. (Not Dick, some Justin guy, never met him, everyone says he's really nice, smart, and funny, which kills me, because I'm nice, smart, and funny, and we're both in Accounting - He's like ME.)

So about an hour ago, I finally worked up the courage to talk to her on IM. She's been on my list forever, and I don't think I've ever said anything. I've come so close to telling her how I feel so many times in the past hour, but I can't do that to her. I know what it's like to be in that situation, and it tears you up. It wouldn't do any good anyways, Justin moved out west a few months ago, got them a house, and she's getting on the plane tomorrow morning to fly into her new life.

Not with me.

I really have to start seizing opportunities when I see them. This is seriously getting very old. Of all the things that I've missed out on, I think this one actually meant the most to me, and as of 8:47 tomorrow morning, it will officially be out of my reach forever. But, you know me. I'll supress it, toss it around in the depths of my stomach for way too long, and in time (long time) I'll be over it. But that's me, I guess. I really can't remember when I stopped caring about the important things in life and became so shallow and bitter. When I was younger, I always hated who I was, and wanted to change. When I finally found the courage to do that, I was ecstatic. Now that I am who I thought I wanted to be, I seem to hate myself more and more each day.

Depressing, ain't it? Don't let it be. Tomorrow's another day. I know I'll be fine. I just think about things way too much. That's one of many bad habits that I have to break sometime this year.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006

My headaches never end...

Not much has really happened over the last few weeks. Got Christmas and New Years done and over with, thank God. Man, the holidays are exhausting. I just want summer to come. I know it's not even the middle of January yet, but I love summer so much...

I hadn't planned on doing anything New Years Eve. There was a house party that I was invited to, and was going to drop in on for awhile, but I was so tired. Brad and I had gone snowmobiling all day Saturday with another friend of ours, and even though you do just sit there the whole time, it really plays you out. But when I got back home, I had to go pick Brad up at his place in the car, he asked if I was going out with them. He and his g/f were going to a dance with a bunch of other people, and he wanted me to go. I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. Glad I went though, it was a good time.

Wednesday night, Brad came to my place and we played Xbox. He got ready to leave around 11, and he'd been drinking. Not a lot, but just enough to fail a breathylizer. He was on his snowmobile, and it's not often you see cops out on the trails here, especially at 11 on a Wednesday night. So when he got ready to leave, he kept hesitating, like he wanted to ask me something, but he finally just walked out the door. I wanted to have a cigarette, so I followed him out, and we stood in the driveway. I told him that since it was really cold out, and I knew he was going to drive wayyy too fast on the way home, for him to call me when he got there, so I'd know he made it okay. He told me that I sounded like his girlfriend, and I laughed. I told him the difference was that she wanted to know where he was 24/7, and I just wanted to know if he made it home alive. He smiled, and said ok, that he'd call. So about 45 minutes later, my cell rang. It was Brad, home safe and sound. He said he was going to bed, and I said I was too. He started to ask me something, but he never finished, and when I asked what it was, he wouldn't tell me. He just said goodnight and hung up.

The next morning, at work, my cell rings again. It's Brad's girlfriend. She asked where I was, told her I was working, and that's when she proceeds to tell me that after Brad called me last night, he called her to say goodnight too. Thursday morning, she calls out to his house, and his mom said that he had left on his snowmobile around midnight Wednesday, and hadn't come home yet. Now, g/f is saying this like it's no big deal, but I knew the shape he was in when he left my house. He wasn't plastered, he was just buzzing enough to have the attitude that nothing bad could happen to him. Well, that's fine. He does that once in awhile. But he always comes home, or lets someone know where he is. This time, he didn't. All I could picture was his sled wrapped around a tree, with him laying not far from it, frozen solid. I usually keep my cool better than anyone else in situations like this, but I'll admit that I panicked this time. This made g/f panick, so I told her that I'd meet her and we'd start looking for him. I left work, and had only driven for about 5 minutes when my cell rang again. It was her. I answered, and she said "Don't worry, he's home."

I said, "Put him on the phone" so she did. He said hello like everything was cool, and already I was fuming. I said "What the fuck do you think the point was in calling people when you got home last night? It was to make sure you made it there safe, which TECHNICALLY, you did, right before you went missing overnight in the freezing cold"

He just kept telling me to calm down, that he was fine, had been all night, and for me to come pick him up and he'd explain it. I told him he'd better have a damn good story lined up because I was pissed. So when I got there, his g/f didn't look too pleased either, but she had things to go do, so Brad jumped in the car. I'd cooled off a little bit by this point. He started talking right away. He told me that after he got home, he'd called her, and they got in a fight, which is nothing new, and he had started driving to her house. Right before he got there, he realized what time of night it was, and didn't want to wake everyone in the house up. My cabin is only 5 or 10 minutes from her house, so he drove out around there. He went inside, built a fire, and ended up falling asleep on the couch. He never woke up until 10 the next morning, and realized that people were probably looking for him. He grabbed his cell phone off the table, and he noticed that he had dialed my phone number, and not pushed send. It was then he remembered that he had been sitting on the couch, thinking about me, and how he's never been to the camp without me before, and he wanted me to be there. Things were starting to click now. I asked him if he was trying to ask me to go with him the night before, at my house. He said no, that he hadn't even thought of the camp, but he wanted to stay at my house. With me. But he never asked, because he knew that I would have said yes (which I would have), and my roommates were all there that night, so it would have been nothing but trouble. Which, he was right. I would have said yes, I take risks like that. Plus, my guy-roommate and I have fooled around in the past (we don't anymore) so he knows I'm bi. His girlfriend and I have been friends since we were infants, so she's probably figured it out. I've never told her, and don't plan on it, but it wouldn't be a huge deal if she found out. So anyway, Brad said that's what had happened. I told him that if he would have called me, I would have come out, and he said he had gotten nervous, thinking I would shoot him down, so he hesitated calling. Too long, and fell asleep.

I told him that I would never shoot him down, and he started leaning in to kiss me (which STILL confuses me to no end...) It was right then that I almost told him I loved him, but I caught myself. Barely. "I" made it out of my mouth, and he stopped, looked at me, and asked what? I thought for a minute, and said "I don't think we should do this here", as we were sitting out in the open, and he said okay. We drove on to my house, where his g/f was gonna meet us, and watch a movie. I could barely even look at him for the rest of the night, I had freaked myself out that bad. I thought for awhile that since I felt that way, maybe I didn't really love him.

Right before they got ready to leave, I was in my bedrom doing something. I heard Brad say that he had to use the bathroom, and she said she was going to the car. She yelled goodbye to me, and went out the door. I started walking out of the bedroom to say bye to her, and Brad pushed me back in. He pushed me up against the door, and kissed me so hard I thought he broke my nose again (see post from August-ish). I'm talkin forceful, hot. When he finally pulled away, he had that grin on his face. "I've been wantin' to do that all day" he said. I said I'd been wanting him to do that all day too, and he smiled, and said goodbye. He held my hand all the way to the door, asking if I could pick him up from work on Friday, because his g/f couldn't. I said sure, and he blew me a kiss again before he stepped out the door. I watched him walk to the car, get in, and drive away. I had that weird feeling in my stomach again.

Bullshit I'm not falling in love with him.