A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Monday, September 18, 2006


(I have finished this post as of October 3rd. So sorry for the unneccessarily long wait)

I have to admit, I was sad when my roommates said they were leaving me. Sure, I was happy for them, they'd found a place of their own and they needed to be a family, without me. I mean, sure, we pretty much all thought of each other as family anyways, but they are a real family. But after the first week of utter loneliness (sp?) I was starting to enjoy being on my own. I could crank the stereo full blast while I got ready for work in the morning; I could walk around naked if I wanted to. I no longer had to be quiet when I stumbled in drunk at 4 a.m. So the more time has gone on, the more I like it. Something else I like is the fact that it's no longer necessary to sneak off to the camp when Brad and I get in that mood. (Well, really I should say when Brad gets in that mood - I'm in it all the time). The best part is, now that we don't have to sneak off anywhere, he seems to be in that mood a lot more. Since my roomies moved out, he's spent the night at least once a week, which was fantastic, but up until last week, I hadn't seen anything yet.

Friday night we went out for awhile and arrived back at my place around 2. Brad hadn't been feeling well all night and when we got back he said he was just going to stay there. I just kinda looked at him as if to say "well, DUH" since he'd been sleeping over periodically for the past month and half as it was. Plus, he knew damn well it thrilled the hell out of me whenever he did stay. So I locked the door; shut the lights off, all the standard get-ready-for-bed stuff while Brad brushed his teeth. I stood beside him brushing mine and by the time I finished he was already in bed completely covered in the blankets. I asked him something while I undressed and he didn't reply. So I laughed and said "Brad, I know you're still awake. Even you can't fall asleep that quick." Still no reply. So I climbed in bed beside him and tickled his neck. He didn't budge. Now I was starting to think he was purposely ignoring me so I grabbed his right nipple and twisted. The fucker still didn't even flinch. So I gave up and turned the lamp off and rolled over. After about five or ten minutes, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I felt him move closer and press himself up against me. His left arm wrapped around my chest and I grabbed his hand with mine and held it. His steady deep breath was hitting my neck, relaxing me even more. We laid like that for about 20 minutes until my arm was cramping and I had to move. So I rolled over to my left side so I was facing him. His arm moved up over my head and he pulled me closer. Our foreheads were touching and his breath never changed. I figured he was just doing what he always does and pretends to be asleep so I have to do all the work to get him going. But alas, my exhaustion overtook me and off to sleep I went.

I awoke at around 7:00 to Brad still laying on his side facing me, still sound asleep. His left leg was thrown over both of mine and his hand was resting right at the waistband of my boxers. I gently moved in closer to him and pushed my hand up against his crotch. He was rock hard. I grinned and started to tell him I knew he was awake but just as I opened my mouth his arm was pushing my head down under the covers. I didn't need to be asked twice so I straddled his legs after he turned onto his back and when he lifted his ass up I ripped his shorts down and off of him. His dick made a very loud smack when it hit his stomach. I grabbed both hips and took him all the way in my mouth and sucked just as hard as I could. Finally, an approving groan escaped him. The faster I went the more he pumped his hips and he had his hands planted firmly on the back of my head. I grabbed his wrists and moved his hands down to his sides, and turned my head up to look at him. Usually he has his eyes screwed shut with his teeth bared but this time his mouth was open and those fucking gorgeous eyes were staring straight down at me. I dug my nails into his hips and he said "I hope you're fuckin' hungry". His breathing picked up and he gripped the sheets as his cum literally exploded in my mouth. I sucked really hard on just the head and just as a yelp came out of Brad I heard the sheet rip. I didn't give a fuck. I didn't want to ever stop sucking on him; he tastes fucking unbelieveable. But he gets really sensitive really fast so I knew when I had to let it go. He was panting and his forehead was covered in sweat. I threw the blankets off of us and stood up. He grabbed my dick through my shorts and I swatted his hand away. He just looked at me, confused. I told him he had to wait for later. He shrugged and said "Good enough, I'm still fuckin tired. You're the one with blueballs, suit yourself." I grinned and asked if he wanted a smoke. He said he'd have a drag and we shared a cigarette before we both fell back asleep.

Usually I'm not one to sleep the day away but when I awoke again it was 11:45. Brad was once again pushed completely up against me which felt so good but the sun beating on the closed window blind was heating up my bedroom very quickly. Finally it was too much and I had to get up. He awoke as I climbed out over him. We both stumbled out into the living room and stared at the TV until we both woke up. I felt a little down because I thought that our night together was over and now he was gonna take off somewhere. But he didn't.

He asked if I would help him wax his car, and I did. We spent the whole day together; we went to a family gathering at a relatives house just a few minutes from mine and Brad proved very entertaining to my grandmother, who, like everyone else there, just thinks Brad and I are friends and nothing more, but I just looked at him all day like a person who makes me happy and who is really starting to come around to our "relationship" together. We left around 6:00 to go back to my place to get ready to go out, and Brad said he wanted to have a nap for an hour or so. I said alright and he went in the bedroom. I had to wash some clothes so while I did that I cleaned up the house a little bit. After about half an hour, Brad called my name. I went into the bedroom and asked what he wanted. He said he thought I was gonna nap with him. I told him I had to wait for the laundry to finish first but then I'd come in. By the time it was done, Brad had drifted off again. I took my shirt off and climbed in beside him, thinking how a nap sounded like a good idea.

Next thing I know I awake to Brad straddling me; my hands pinned over my head and him kissing my neck. I didn't even have time to react - I just grabbed his shorts and yanked them down again while he did the same to me. I got up on my knees and he slammed into me in a bearhug. We fell back down onto the bed and wrestled each other for the top. I defeated him and shoved down hard on his chest. He reached his left arm over to the bed table and appeared to be searching for something.

"Where is it?" He whispered, breathlessly. I knew he was looking for the lube, which I already had in my hand. In the dark it was hard to tell just how much I squirted into his hand, until he went to grease up his dick and said "Holy shit, dude..." I asked what was wrong and he said "I think you squirted the whole bottle out in my hand!" So I grabbed his hand and did my part but there was still enough left over for 3 more fuck sessions and neither of us knew what to do. So while I was sitting atop Brad, looking around (at nothing, by the way, it was pitch black in the room) wondering what to do with all this lube, Brad starts rubbing it all over me. I in turn start rubbing the excess on my hands all over his chest, stomach and arms. The way we were going at each other you'd think neither of us had gotten off for weeks. I was now grinding my ass into his extremely hard cock, and he reached under me and positioned himself. He slid into me with absolutely no problems whatsoever, which was great because that first five minutes of having to go slow would have killed both of us. So I sat down hard on him; he was just about as deep as he could go. He was meeting me thrust for thrust. I had one hand on his chest and one on his stomach and I was riding him like there was no tomorrow. We were both gasping and moaning. Every now and then Brad would do this sit-up kind of thing and pull his legs back and go almost completely out of me and then fall back so I slammed back down on his pole. I immediately loved this so I told him to keep doing it.

After about 25 minutes he had tired of doing that (which I can't say as I blame him, it would be quite a workout) so I pinned him back down again. Every time he would thrust and hit that magic spot I would dig my nails into him wherever I had them latched on to. He just kept saying "Fuck that hurts - keep doing it" and that was driving me even more. The bed sounded like it was going to collapse, the sheet was ripped even more now, and everything was completely soaked in sweat and lube. Male or female, I don't think I've ever fucked anyone that hard before. At one point I heard him say (or so I thought...) "Slow down you're crushing my pills" so I moved up a little bit and kept slamming down onto him. After about 5 minutes he said "MAN you gotta stop something's wrong!" So I stopped. He actually sounded hurt. I got off and sat beside him and asked what the problem was.

"I think you broke my pelvis" he said.
"What?? Well why didn't you say something?" I asked him.
"I DID!! You just kept going! And it felt so good that I tried to forget about it but then you moved and made it even worse!" He said

I had started to recall what he'd said about his pills, and I started to laugh. He hadn't said "pills", he'd said "pelvis" and I started riding him harder. I told him this, still laughing, and with his still-hard cock in my right hand. I told him I was sorry, but he just kept whining that it hurt. Brad tends to be a big baby when it comes to stuff like that so I pushed down on his hipbone.

"OWWW Jesus man! What the fuck??" He yelled.

I stopped laughing and said "Man, you're really hurt, aren't you?" My stomach was starting to feel sick. How in the hell would we explain this to anyone? But if he was hurt that bad we couldn't just forget about it. I really couldn't see how I would have broken his pelvis; I mean sure, I was riding him pretty hard, but not THAT hard, and Brad and I weigh about the same, I might weigh a few pounds more, but like maybe 5. So I sat there for a few minutes, still absent-mindedly jacking Brad's cock. He was laying perfectly still, and it was still dark in the room. I was trying to think of a way we could explain this to people if he needed to go to the hospital when I heard him gasp and his body jerked. I snapped my head in his direction and started to let go of his cock when he wrapped his hand around mine and said "FUCK I'M CUMMIN'!" and he blew the biggest load I've ever seen all over his chest, stomach, my hand, and it was running down his sides onto the bed. It seemed to last for over a minute and he was panting really hard. I was just sitting there with my mouth open and said "holy shit Brad. That's a lotta cum..." and thats when he swiped his hand across his stomach and grabbed my dick. He jerked me fast and furious using his own cum as lube and it was still warm. When I say it only took a few pumps, I'm serious. Like maybe 6 and I exploded all over him. My head was spinning, and my thoughts came around again to the nap we had discussed before. It was about 8 p.m. by this time, and I asked Brad what time he wanted to get up. He said around 10, so I set my alarm clock and lay down beside him.

I awoke a little before 10 and got up out of bed. I decided that I'd have a shower and wake Brad up when I was done so he could have one too; so I turned the alarm off. I still felt exhausted but I tried to shake it off. I had a nice loooong hot shower, and when I was done was still half-thinking about going back to bed.

So I open the shower curtain to Brad standing there just staring at me. He scared the hell out of me and I instinctivly grabbed the towel to cover myself.

"Oh like I've never seen you naked before." He said. I laughed and told him it was just a reflex. I asked him why he hadn't gotten in with me, but instead stood there staring at the shower curtain like a creep. He said he had just come into the bathroom and was about to get in when I turned the water off. He said he needed a shower either way and asked for a towel. I threw him one and couldn't help but stare as he dropped his boxers and stepped into the shower. I've seen his ass I don't know how many times but it still makes me drool like a Saint Bernard. I kinda got lost in the moment after that and absent-mindedly turned the water on in the sink to brush my teeth. I didn't waste any time in turning it off when I heard Brad yelp and scream "JESUS that's hot" which sent me into a giggle fit. As he showered I got dressed, and sat down on the couch. I thought about cleaning my room up a little bit since it no doubt looked like the set of a porn movie. But then I thought we may be revisiting it after we came home.

Brad got out of the shower and sat on the couch beside me in just his towel. And there he sat for over half an hour. Finally I said "for someone who wanted to go out so bad you're sure dragging your ass now" to which he said that suddenly he didn't feel the best and was doubting whether he should go out or not. He told me to go, since I was all ready anyways. I asked what he was going to do and he said "I'm going right back in to your bed. Don't fall on me when you come home." He had gotten quieter since I said that I was still going out, and more pale. I was halfway out the door when I turned and went back in. I walked quietly into the bedroom and asked if he wanted something for his stomach. He asked for an anti-nauseant so I got him one. When I brought it back to him, I asked if he wanted me to stay. In typical Brad fashion, he says
"I don't care, do what you wanna do." So I sighed and stood up. I made it one step away from the bed and I felt his hand on the back of my jacket. "Just get in" he mumbled. I took off my clothes and climbed in beside him. He said he had the chills and when I felt him he was burning up. I moved over against him to share some body heat and he said it felt better. The anti-nauseant kicked in pretty quickly and soon he was sound asleep on my left shoulder, both hands clutching my arm. I dozed off too in no time and only awoke once when he went to get a glass of water. Again I thought maybe he would just get dressed and leave, but again he came right back to bed. I never let on I was awake, and I could sense he was laying on his side looking at me. Just as I was going to open my eyes I felt him lean in and kiss me really lightly on the cheek. He then laid his head down on the pillow and put an arm around me, pulling me closer. We both fell asleep again and didn't awake until after 10 the next morning.

Again, I thought maybe he'd spook like he does sometimes, but he really didn't. We did a bunch of things around the house that needed done before winter and then I went with him to his house to help him out. We went out to eat afterwards and I could tell he was all good. It seems every time we do something like this he feels better about it.

I didn't see much of him the following week because he worked the long shift, and I was busy with work also (which was why I couldn't get this post finished until now, a week and a half later) and in that time I also (finally) got a new car, which was nothing but a goddamn headache, like when the dealer orders the wrong color, then the right one doesn't show up when it's supposed to, etc. But at least I have it now. They even took my old car on trade-in. HA! If they only knew half of what the poor car was put through in the 3 years I drove it... Ah well

Nothing much has happened since the above all took place, Brad has worked the long shift for the past 2 weeks and he's on it again this week. He stayed at home last Saturday night but we didn't do anything. Well, to the best of my knowledge anyways. I was so drunk I could barely stand up and I don't even remember him taking me home, but when I woke up at 1:30 Sunday afternoon Brad was asleep on the couch. I asked him why he didn't sleep in with me and he said he was scared I was going to puke on him. I told him I didn't remember puking at all, and he said "Exactly, it's just not right that you got that drunk and didn't throw up." I felt a lecture coming on so I quickly reminded him just how many times I had saved his ass from self-destruction when he was equally-or-more drunk that I had been the night before. He promptly shut up and we dropped the whole thing.

We both went to help a buddy of ours pull his dock and boat out of the water for the winter, during which I pulled muscles in my back. So currently I am popping muscle relaxers like Pez, which probably isn't doing my productivity here at work any good, but then again neither is typing my blog either. But then again, my brand new computer is STILL broken, and I am still fighting with the company I bought it from to fix it, which they won't. So anyhow, hopefully something; ANYTHING will happen sooner or later with something. Alright I just re-read the last couple of sentences and decided that I'm too stoned to write anymore today. So there you have it, this post is finally complete, sorry to the readers that have hounded me to get it done. I'm a bad blogger. Anyone who wants to spank me, email your a/s/l to clarkkent383@hotmail.com and I'll be in touch.

Peace out,


Friday, September 01, 2006

I said it.

Jesus, so last night... What a night. I almost wish it had never happened, in a way. I got a lot of things off my chest though. I'll try to take it easy on the minor details.

I went to a party, which I've been making a habit of the past few Thursdays. It doesn't make for a fun Friday morning, but whatever. Anyways, I ended up doing coke because I got too drunk and didn't want to fall asleep. Brad kept shooting these glances across the room at me. He couldn't have known that I did it, but he seemed to. Anyways, all of a sudden, he was gone, and I didn't really worry about it. About 45 minutes later, my cell rang and it was Bitch. She said Brad had come home but then they got in a fight and he left again. She said he seemed to be in "one of those moods" so I told her I'd find him. Flash forward to 3:00 this morning, I pull into Brad's driveway, his car is back in the yard. I walked in the house and into the living room. He's asleep on the couch. I don't know why, but this feeling just came over me. I shook him awake and he looked a little bewildered that I was there. He sat up and asked what was wrong. I said,

"I have a problem. A big problem."

So he asked what. I told him my cocaine habit was starting to get out of control, which it is. At first he seemed pissed off, either that I was there, or saying this, or because I'd woken him up. Honestly, I was hurt. I'd offered him help when he needed it and now I was asking for his and he was acting like this. I couldn't say anything, so I just sat back on my knees on the floor. I felt tears start to come to my eyes, and I just wanted to get up and leave but I couldn't move. Just about the point when I was starting to get up, Brad changed his tune. He told me I should call the rehab centre he went to, and got up and gave me their number. Then, the talk started.

He asked just how addicted to it I was, and I said not very, like I don't need it everyday or anything, like maybe once a week at a party when I get too drunk, but it's just that I do it so nonchalantly that I don't see what the big deal is over it. It's good that I recognized this before I got in even deeper so maybe I can put a stop to it. So anyways, we talked about that and I told Brad it had all started because I'm so upset with my life and all the things I feel I've screwed up. Our conversation came around to "us" when I said that there was only one thing in my life that made me happy. He wondered for a second, and then asked me if I was happy Tuesday night. I told him yes, that I was. I knew right then that it was time for me to say it. I told him that ever since it had all started I knew it was something good, even if it had to stay a secret, and even if he didn't feel the same way. I told him that I would never jeopardize him by 'outing' him but that I would always keep him inside me. I also told him never to ask me to stop feeling that way. He said he wouldn't. We were sitting outside on the step, and he turned to look at me. I still wasn't sure if he was mad or what, but when I saw his face with a soft expression on it I knew he was okay. We looked at each other in silence for a minute and then I whispered "I love you". As soon as I said it, I followed with "you don't have to say it back, that's not why I'm saying it to you. I just want you to know that." He nodded and put his hand on my arm. "I can't say it back. It wouldn't be fair to you if I did because I don't know if I do. I'm still trying to figure all this out." he said. I nodded; he was right. I was honest when I said that I wasn't saying it to him just so he would say it back. And it wouldn't be fair to me if he said it and didn't mean it.

So I went on to say that that was how I felt and as of right now that was the only thing that gave me any hope for anything, so not to ask me to push it aside. I told him I think about him almost constantly and whenever I get down or anything I think about him and whatever it is we have together. He asked me how I had dealt with that when I figured it all out, and I told him just one day at a time. He said he was still having trouble sometimes with it, and I told him I knew, which I do. You can tell when he's in certain moods around me that he just doesn't want to think about 'that'.

But for now, I guess everything is out on the table. He told me I had to tell my family what was going on with me and the drugs, and he's giving me until Sunday to do so, or he'll tell them. I'm going to call the rehab clinic today and see what they have to say, and hopefully where I'm just a casual user, it will be something easy to fix. As for me and Brad, he said we'd still go on as we have been, because he knew as much as he said he didn't want to do it anymore, that was a lie, and plus he didn't want to take away the only thing that makes me feel good. We hugged for a long time and he kissed my cheek. I didn't want to let him go but I had to. So I went home and went to bed. I was late for work this morning, and still a little buzzed when I finally got there, but still standing on both feet. I feel a lot better that me and Brad are on the same page for once and hopefully what I told him won't ultimately drive him away. The most important thing is that I said it. I meant it. I didn't scream it at him like last time.

This time, it counts.