Exhausted

Well, Christmas is finally over, thank God. I totally see why people say Christmas is for kids. Now, me being 22 years old, I realized some time ago that I was, in fact, no longer a kid, and Christmas had gradually lost its lustre. However, this year I not only realized I was older, I realized that I have responsibilities. Since I no longer live with my parents, I was responsible to drive here for this family gettogether, go there, do this, do that. I spent Christmas Eve at mom and dad's, but before I went to bed (thats a whole other story later) I had to drive back to my house, make sure the fire was still going, the doors locked, etc.

So when the presents were finally opened, breakfast at my grandmothers was over with, and I could take a breath, I felt soooo relieved that I could finally do what I wanted to do: sleep.

But NOOOOOOO. Christmas Night, we had my dad's side of the family in for Christmas dinner. My family is fun. They all drink (not TOO much) but just enough that they're all drunk and merry. But, when you're running on 2 hours of sleep, it can be quite a headache. So around 8:30 p.m., I ducked out. Quickly. Brad had called, he had also escaped the madness that is Christmas, and wanted me to go over to his place to play hockey (on XBox; no friggin way I had the energy to play actual hockey) and when I got to his house, it was indeed very silent. His entire family was there, his 2 sisters, 1 brother & girlfriend, his parents, his cousin, but everyone was quiet. It was fan-fuckin-tastic. His parents had gotten a new TV for Christmas, and Brad had put the old one up in his bedroom. So after his mother force-fed me pie, we went up to play XBox. I had been kind of hoping that no one else was there, so we could fool around, and we promised each other that we would never do anything as long as there was someone else in the house. So, it was lookin like a no-go (which it was, that night...)

I need to learn how to type my blog properly! I should have started at Christmas Eve, and worked my way up from there... But, too f'in bad, I'm not retracting and retyping everything.

So Christmas Eve, it's family tradition that my mother's family all gets together, has supper, and goes to church, in varying stages of drunkeness. (Well, the drunkenness isn't really tradition, it's just how things happen...) And Brad just so happened to need a drive to his place. My mother wouldn't hear of him not staying for supper. So he sat down, we all ate, drank a little, and then when my grandmother asked him if he would be joining us for Church, Brad said no.

Sidenote: When my grandmother says you're going to Church, you're GOING to Church. Don't argue with her, she's a retired school teacher, who likes her Church, especially on Christmas.

So, long story short, Brad went to Church with us. It was hilarious. Just seeing Brad in Church, is fall-on-your-ass funny. He was scared he would burst into flames. His girlfriend had gone away to her mom's for Christmas, so when mom asked what she would say when Brad told her he spent Christmas Eve in Church, he said my mom would have to call her so she would believe him. Anyways, after church, we went back to my parents house for awhile, and I had to stop by my house afterwards to get clothes, etc. By this point, it's about 12:30 a.m., and I figured we would just stop in, get what I had to get, and we'd be on our way. Brad goes into the living room and sits down on the couch, cracking open a beer. After I got all my stuff together, I went in and asked if we were staying for awhile. He said that he would like to. So I sat down beside him, and started watching TV.

The roommates were gone for the night, so it was just the two of us. It was incredibly hot in there, as it was very warm outside, and one of my roommates had loaded the fire full before they left. With a combination of the beer and the heat, all I could think about was Brad sitting 2 feet away from me, lookin all hot. I was getting a vibe from him that he wasn't in the mood to do anything, as he wasn't dropping any hints like he usually does. But after about half an hour, Brad asked me what I thought about him going out West. I told him there's a reason that I change the subject everytime you bring that up. that should be a good enough answer. Well, apparently, it wasn't. He kept telling me to say what was on my mind, and I told him that I was saving everything for right before he left to go. Well, that drove him damn near crazy, and he was begging me to tell him right then, so in case it was something bad, we wouldn't leave our relationship in a bad way. He wanted me to tell him now so he could absorb everything. I've had that moment planned out in my head ever since he first told me he was going, and I wanted to save it. But he just kept bugging me. The heat was making me agitated, so finally I just exploded and told him (almost) everything. Like how I couldn't help but be selfish, I knew he was going out there for good reasons, but I couldn't stand the thought of losing my best friend, especially after all that's happened in the last 2 years, how he was really the only friend that I could trust with absolutely anything, and how we do so much together in the summer, and next summer he won't be here, and I felt horrible for sounding so self-absorbed, but I couldn't keep it in anymore. Brad always has a way of interrupting me when I talk, but this time, he didn't. He just sat there and took it all in. I can't even remember what all I said. I know I told him everything I had in me save for the fact that I thought I was falling in love with him, which still scares the hell out of even ME. I remember saying I didn't care about what anyone else said about us, if everyone thought of me as a "great big, neon-pink flaming faggot"and by the end of it, I was starting to cry but I wanted to give him the impression that I was mad, and was trying so hard not to let any tears fall. Brad wasn't nearly drunk enough not to notice my voice break, though. Like a flash, he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. I just buried my head in him, and he kept squeezing me. He kept saying he was sorry, that he had no idea I felt that strongly about the whole situation, and for me not to think about it until the time came, and he wouldn't talk about it. When I finally picked my head up, he looked at me and grabbed the back of my head. Out of every other kiss he has given me, this one felt like the ultimate, real deal. We weren't drunk, it wasn't in the heat of any sexual moment, he had realized that he hurt me, and wanted to fix it.

He pushed me back on the couch, and crawled on top of me. I pulled his shirt open and took it off, him doing the same to me. It was soooo goddamned hot in there, and the wood stove is right beside the couch, so we were already out of breath. Neither one of us cared that it was almost 2 a.m. and we had to get to our respective houses. He stood up, and I unbuckled his belt. I stood up and pushed him back down on the couch, into a sitting position. I dropped down onto my knees and started unbuttoning his pants. He stood back up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards my bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, and I pushed him onto his back. I crawled up his body, still trying to get his damn pants off. This reminded me of the first time we undressed each other:

I wasn't quite as drunk as he was, so I had his clothes off in no time. Brad, on the other hand, didn't do too bad until he got to my jeans, which were button-fly. He fumbled with them for I don't know how long, until he finally said "Uhhh, maybe you should look after those just this once..." It was one of those moments where everything is very heated and going along very smoothly until someone gets caught up on something (i.e. the episode of Seinfeld where George tries to open the condom like a bag of chips and looses Mr. Happy all the time)

Anyways, I finally got his jeans off this time, running my hands up his stomach. I pulled his underwear down with my teeth, a move he seems to like, and started sucking. I heard him sigh loudly, and he started to pump his hips almost immediately. He had his hands on the back of my head, pushing my head almost too far down on his cock. My gag reflex is getting better, but it's still not at 100%, so I motioned for him to ease up a little bit. Man, he smelled so good, must have been body spray or something, but I've never smelled it before. I was massaging his hips as he pushed up to meet my mouth, and then I ran my hands underneath his ass, grabbing his cheeks. After about 10 minutes, he said he was getting close and lifted my head. He sat up and pushed me back down on the bed. He pulled my underwear off, and went to work. He was even more into sucking me off now than he was last time. He ran his tongue up my stomach, back down my thighs, between my thighs, and was teasing me. It took him a good 5 minutes before he finally took me in. I had my hands at my sides, and he grabbed my wrists to hold them there, not letting me move them. I noticed that he seems to have a light bondage fetish, and I also have a set of actual steel handcuffs. I know the key for them is somewhere, I just have to find it before I slap them on him, or vice versa ;)

So he was really doing an awesome job with his tongue, and not being able to move my hands was driving me crazy. Just as I was getting to the edge, he stopped. He crawled up on top of me, like we were in the missionary position. He just started grinding his hips into mine, once again holding my hands up over my head. He stuck his tongue down my throat and thrusted harder. It felt so good, his cock grinding against mine, both ready to go any second. He started breathing harder the same time I did, I opened my eyes. His teeth were bared, his eyes screwed shut, his hair damp with sweat, and almost every inch of our bodies touching one another, still very hot and sweaty. Suddenly, I heard him growl deep in his throat. His head fell on my shoulder, his mouth right next to my left ear. I felt his heavy breath on my neck, and he hissed

"I'm fucking cumming NOWWWWW"

and with that he let loose, as did I, with a long, loud moan, Brad's hips still thrusting hard into me. The feeling of our cum mixed between us was amazing, slippery and sticky, it was then I realized I had gotten my hands free and had my nails dug into his ass. When it was finally over, what seemed like 10 minutes, Brad stayed right on top of me, still panting and sweating. He lifted his head from the crook of my neck and kissed my forehead. I grabbed his face and pulled him down onto me. I rolled us both over so I was now on top. It was my turn to pin his hands, it felt pretty good, powerful. I told him about the handcuffs, and how I'd look for the key later. He smiled and said that sounded like a lot of fun. (P.S. I found the key last night...)

So after we laid there for a few minutes, we got out of bed and jumped in the shower. Nothing much interesting happened there so I won't bore you with those details. After we got out, Brad realized that his shirt had ended up on the bed with us. On the shirt was quite a sizeable stain, so he just threw it in my clothes hamper. He had two shirts on, so he just wore the other one home. (It wasn't until 2 days later that my roommate had done my laundry for me, and washed the shirt. I almost crapped myself when I saw it neatly folded on my bed, clean. She must have never noticed the huge cum stain on it, or if she did, she's never mentioned it)

On the way home, I asked Brad if he had had other people to go visit Christmas Eve. He smiled and said that all day he had only thought of spending it with one person, me. I tried to play it up a little bit, even though it made me feel really tingly inside, so I went "Awwwww" and shoved his shoulder, and he went "No, really. I'm serious. I'm sorry about upsetting you before, and I feel really bad about it. I had a really good time tonight."

When we got to his house, he opened the door, and let it close again. He didn't say anything for awhile, and then he turned and asked if he was going to see me anytime Christmas Day. I said yeah, probably at some point. He asked if I could come over as soon as possible. I said sure, and asked if it was something important. He said no, he just wanted me to be there. He grinned, and leaned over in the seat to give me a quick kiss on the lips. I instinctively pulled away at first because we never kiss in his driveway, you never know how many people are in his house, and/or who's looking out the window. We also never kiss goodbye, this was a first. Anyway, I gave into his kiss, and he smiled. I said "You know, we've been really obvious about everything" and he responded with "Yeah, I know, who gives a fuck?"

And with that, he grabbed my hand real quick, and stepped out of the car. I said "I'll see ya later" and he turned, leaned back in the car, and said "Tomorrow, remember, as soon as you can get away. Sleep tight" and he shut the door.

I started driving away, my head was swimming. This was so unusual, I don't know if he was being like this because this was the first Christmas where his girlfriend wasn't there, and he wasn't used to being alone, but then I remembered last weekend at the camp, he was acting almost the same way. I still can't figure it out. But if it keeps progressing the way it has been, I have a very strong feeling that he's going to suggest that I go out West with him (i.e. like I had previously suggested: go away together, somewhere nobody knows us, and be together.) This sounded absurd, even to me, when I brought it up, but over the past few weeks, the way he's been acting, this idea seemed to make more and more sense. Maybe he did take me seriously, and maybe that's what he wants to do. I'll never bring it up unless he does, but I'd really like to know. I said I'd never let myself fall in love with a guy, but believe me, that's much easier said than done. Especially since, at one time, I was so in love with his sister, thought she was the girl I wanted to marry, but not anymore. I dunno... I have too much to think about right now. But, it does feel really good to see him coming around, and all I could think about when I finally got into bed at mom & dad's 4:30 a.m., was all the nice things he had said to me that night, how he didn't want to spend Christmas Eve with anyone other than me, and how he wanted to see me Christmas Day as soon as I could get away. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.