A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

All good things must come to an end...

Okay, I've been racking my brain for over a week now trying to figure out what and how to write this post. So so so much has happened since my last post and I have been debating what to include and what to leave out, all despite the fact that I have had next to no time to myself for over a month. So here goes...

As I think I had mentioned last time, Brad had pretty much moved in with me. He and Bitch finally FINALLY called it quits for GOOD this time, which was actually bittersweet. I saw a side of my best friend that made me feel so bad for him that I found myself wishing that they would get back together. After all of the horrible things that he did to her, relationship/faithfullness wise, and after all of the times that she found out about whatever those things were, she finally got sick and tired of it all and called things quits; moved on, found another guy (who we'll call Asshole) and basically cut off all contact with Brad. He, however, took things absolutely horrible. He descended into this black hole where everything was negative, nothing was good with anything, drank continuously, had awful mood swings, cried, called her cellphone at all hours of the night, threatened her new boyfriend; overall, it was awful. The only good thing (for me) that came out of it was that he moved in with me. I, for once, was his shoulder to cry on, which he has done more times for me before than I care to count. It was at this time that I realized that maybe Brad moving in with me wouldn't be the best thing for our relationship. I mean, sure, we're still good friends, actually better than ever, but when he fell into this depression he lost all desire whatsoever for sex. And it was that that almost cost us our friendship.

I had noticed that the past few times we had sex that he seemed distant, not really into it. He stopped letting me kiss him on the lips, and gradually came down to not letting me top him anymore. That led to him not sucking me off, and eventually not even fucking me anymore. One night, I was sitting on the couch, my stomach churning because I knew everything was falling apart but not knowing why. He was in bed, and I slowly walked in to his bedroom and asked him what was wrong between us. He didn't move, didn't say anything, so I quietly slipped in to bed beside him. I laid there for a few minutes, not touching him, and then I rolled over and slid my arm around him. I felt his body tense up but I left my arm where it was. Suddenly he snapped up out of bed and started shouting something about me not taking a hint and started grabbing his things. All I could think of was losing him, and how if he didn't want to have sex anymore, then that was fine, we could just be friends. I was trying so hard to calm him down so I could tell him this but he was furious. He was headed for the door but I shoved him aside and blocked the way. He tried to move me but I stayed. He started running for the front door but I jumped at him and we fell down on the floor. I thought he was going to punch me but he jumped back up and started for the door again. I caught him just as he got to it and grabbed him around the waist and swung him around. We slammed into the wall and the drywall disintegrated. We both kinda snapped out of it and he gave me this look like I was the worst person in the world. We were both covered in dust and he was giving me this awful, hateful look. I felt the tears start to run down my face and he pushed me away and walked out the door. I let him go, and as I watched him pull out of the driveway I honestly thought my heart was exploding. I cried uncontrollably for I don't know how long until I finally fell asleep on the floor. When I awoke, I called in to work and said I wouldn't be there. I immediately went to the doctor and told him I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. He put me off work for awhile and then I knew I had to deal with Brad again at some point. It didn't take long.

I saw his car pull in my driveway not long after I got back from the doctor and we had a loooong talk. We came to the conclusion that what had happened had been coming on for a long time, and that the best thing to do was to call things off. He was still too torn up about Bitch and needed to do all he could to get her back. That was when he told me the last thing he said to her before she dumped him was what he thought she had wanted to hear for a long time; that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Apparently that wasn't the case, and that's when he fell apart. He apoligized to me for the night before, and for leading me on for so long. He said he still wanted to live here with me, and help me out as best he could, I agreed that that would be best, as much as it hurt to say so.

Since then, we have both quit our jobs. My house is in the process of being sold, and we are both moving across the country. But not together. He's actually going to be living about an hour away from where I am going, which isn't so bad, and I have been offered a great job with a film company. Ironically enough, our first job when I get out there is being shot partially on location where parts of Brokeback Mountain were filmed. I'm actually looking forward to starting a new life. I am still dreading being away from Brad but I realize now that the way things were going, it would never have worked anyway. We have had the most fun we could both possibly could have had over the past few weeks. It's great not having to get up and go to work in the morning, my birthday was last weekend so we took off to a nearby city and got really drunk and partied for three days, took a lot of good pictures, and thats where Brad met a new girl. Not the happiest thing for me to face on my birthday but I do need to get over him. So that's where he is tonight, back in the city, with her. I will admit, she is pretty cool, beautiful, really fun to hang out with, and according to Brad, one hot fuck. She stayed in our hotel room Saturday night and when I finally awoke the next morning, Brad was in the shower, and she was laying in the other bed, making fun of how drunk I was the night before. After awhile she said she needed to get dressed, so I told her to go ahead, being a smartass, and she rips the blankets back and walks across the room, totally naked, staring at me from this beautiful set of blue eyes. My mouth must have dropped open because she giggled and said "Happy Birthday" and right then Brad came out of the bathroom and started laughing. We all get along like that, I honestly would have fucked her brains out if he would have stayed in the shower any longer...

So anyways, that's that I guess, I'm gonna try to maintain my blog, so don't think that this is my last post. For the next little while it will be less about sex and more about me starting over, but hopefully somewhere along the line it will get re-focused on some steamy stories...

Thank you all SOOO much for the emails, sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to many of them, but like I said I have been very occupied. Please, keep emailing me, and I will at least try to keep up with those on a steady basis. Any questions are cool, ask me anything! Please everyone stay in touch, and keep checking back to the blog because like I say, you never know when a new post may pop up... Just like I never know when Brad may change his tune (again) and another encounter between the two of us comes along ;)

Peace out...



Blogger artfuldodge said...

wow. i haven't felt so sad since i got my own heart broken eight months ago by a guy who sounds pretty much a brad replicant. i only discovered your blog last week and fell in love with it straight away. i've been checking every day to see what had happened since feb and now this! i'm really devastated for you! you sound like a pretty strong guy though; i really admire your ability to bounce back so quickly.
i wish you all the best for your new adventure and hope you keep up your blog because you write really nicely and i wanna hear that you meet someone who treats you better than brad does. take care clark

10:14 AM

Blogger Alex said...

Aaawww, this breaks my hear too. I was really happy for you with your last post. But the same as Artful Dodger said, I'm amazed at how you took it. You are very strong and I hope if I ever have to face a situation like that in my life, I'm able to keep as calm as you. Though I'll probably tear my eyes out crying first.

I hope everything goes well, and I hope you're not too busy so you can write more often.

Best of wishes with the guys out there. Someone will come.

It's as the say here in México. "Siempre hay un roto para un descosido." or the best translation I can up with: "There's always a broken heart for a teared one."


4:16 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo Dude....What's up with this?? You move and never called?? - just kidding - you will know who this is when you read it - dont forget to drop me a line sometime(email that is). Sorry I did not make it to your going away party, which I am sure was kick'in - Music would have been better if you had gotten me to do it....LOL!! Any-who, my quote would have to be.....True friends accept you the way you are....no matter how that is!! I will always consider you a friend, and I hope you will do the say. Take care of yourself "Clark" I will be thinking of you, and checking here for updates often.


12:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just discovered your blog, amazing writing I must say. Pity we haven't heard from you in months, hope everything is alright. I'm looking forward to a post soon.

3:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello "Clark"... haven't seen you in ages, now know why. Don't go "Crazy" and forget your friends while "On the Road Again", we were more than "Here For The Party", and miss you! Come back someday and "Picture" with me. Take care, all the best and write/call..... From another person who you could've counted on for the right song to help you through!

4:42 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:37 PM


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