A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Unconditional; Irrevocable

Hello everyone, or if anyone even still checks on me...

I am sitting on my couch, feeling a little bored, and suddenly remembered how consumed I once was by this blog. I always avoided a farewell-post, since I never wanted to actually fully abandon it. I do apoligize to those who were faithful to me, and your comments and emails really do mean a lot to me. Those of you who complimented my writing skills, you have inspired me to become a writer. Someday, haha! Nothing concrete in the works yet, but I think about it more and more everyday.

My previous post was supposed to be a comeback point, but I was offered an incredible job about a week afterwards and have since been extremely busy with that. Now that I am leveling out again, I thought I would again attempt a comeback. Something along the lines of what my original blog was, minus (hopefully) the drama. I (we) am (are) nearing the end of the fourth month of a new relationship with a guy named Kevin.

At this new job of mine, I made some new friends, one of them named Tammy. She and her boyfriend Greg have parties at their apartment fairly frequently, and a few of the people at work asked me if I knew what their story was. I, of course, had no idea what they were talking about. Turns out they are swingers, which I am fine with. Some people at work find it very giggle-worthy, but I am not one to throw stones about different lifestyles. Long story short, this came up in a conversation one night at a non-swinging party between Tammy and myself. Once we were feeling comfortable enough with each other, she asked me if I was bi. I told her yes, and she was cool with it and everything. She then goes on to tell me, she had invited her friend Kevin but he couldn't make it. Now she wishes she would have tried harder since he's bi too and she could have set us up. I just smiled and told her thanks, but that I didn't really like being set up.

So fast forward a few weeks and a bunch of us all get together again for a barbecue. There are already a bunch of people there when I get there, and after an hour or so, I'm standing talking to a few guys about speedboats, one of whom I find very attractive and somewhat resemblant of Peter Facinelli, and Tammy comes up to us and looks in my general direction and says "Oh I see you two have finally met." I kinda give the guy a look and then back to Tammy, "Uhh, no actually we haven't," and reach out to shake his hand and tell him my name. He shakes my hand and smiles this amazing smile, and says "Hi man, I'm Kevin." I look back at Tammy, and she's doing this weird thing with her eyes, back and forth from him to me, and I finally get it. I wait a few minutes and excuse myself from the conversation and find Tammy. I make sure that I am understanding what she's trying to tell me, and I'm right. All of a sudden I've got this happy/nausous feeling in my stomach. Tammy takes every chance she gets the entire night to try to keep us together, and I finally find myself a a couple of others sitting by te campfire, when Kevin walks over and sits next to me. We're kind of away from everyone else, so he leans in a little closer to talk to me. He says,

"I'm sorry, but I had to ask Tammy what her problem was tonight. She was being a little crazy, even for her, about creating these random things for us to talk about."

I laughed, and replied "Yeah I know. I still don't know her all that well, but umm, I think I know why she was doing it..."

He gives me this look, one I know all too well now, and says "Yeah, I do too. Do you uhhh, wanna go for a walk with me?" (lol, he drug out that uhhhhh for a really long time so now whenever I ask him something, I do it like that on purpose and he knows why I do it)

So we go for this walk on a path behind the park where we're at, and we start having an open conversation. I tell him that he in no way looks acts or sounds anything other than straight, and he says the same thing about me. He told me that Tammy had told him about me awhile back and didn't introduce us when I had arrived at the barbecure. We discussed his long-term girlfriend and their recent breakup, and the fact that he had never been in an actual relationship with a guy that wasn't otherwise based on sex. I told him about my past relationship and how it had been my first with a guy, and was preceded by a very long term with a girl. I told him how I felt like a new person, finally admitting to myself who I really was, and that people were a lot more accepting than I thought they would be. I was actually starting to realize that I was rambling after awhile, when he grabbed my arm, pushed me up against this high fence, and kissed me. And kept kissing me, for a long time. The feeling inside me was like that very first time with Brad, all over again. I welcomed it with open arms.

I'm going to stop here for now. There's still a lot more to this that I want to share, but I have to work early in the morning. So please keep checking back, hopefully I haven't waited too long... Of all the stories I have shared, I want everyone to hear this one the most, as it develops...