A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

PROOF I'm not dead...

Okay, so sorry that I posted so long ago and didn't follow up on it. So much has been happening and I have been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO busy since I moved here that I honestly had to put the Blog on the proverbial back burner for awhile, but I have been checking in and reading the urgent comments for me to post, so here it is...

Okay, I love 'the other end of the country' and my new job, had a good summer and all that crap, I'm just gonna tell you the things I know you all wanna know. A bit of bad news to start, Brad and I are over. SOO over. Mutually, though. His new girlfriend was on my computer one night and found a letter I had written him and hadn't yet given to him, telling him exactly how I felt about him and everything else, and there were a few details in there that New Girl shouldn't have seen, i.e. me referring to specific times we had fucked and how I loved him and couldn't stand seeing him with anyone else. So some damage control was done. I of course, was outed (which I normally am not) and there was no denying that. New Girl handled this so well, and I'm not being sarcastic either. As it turns out, she had gone through a similar situation earlier in life and completely understood all angles of what had happened. Brad had a hard time adjusting to the fact that his girlfriend knew he had been fucking/getting fucked by a guy for the past 2 years, but between her and I, we finally got him to vent and now he seems okay with it. We all live together in a house here by the way... New Girl, who I had extreme hatred for at first, has become one of my closest friends, being one of the few people who know about my sexual orientation, and she's totally cool with it. It was difficult getting here to believe that I really am Bi and have no idea if I wanna spend the rest of my life with a man or a woman, but she understands that now, too. If we're watching TV and a hot guy comes on, she'll say something like "Wow, I'd do him. You?" which I think is great, I don't have to hide anything around her anymore and neither does Brad. Some how, some way, my feelings for him have slowly dissolved as all of this has taken place, since now I can see that he is truly the happiest I have ever seen him with her. I know, it sounds like a load of crap, but my next part of the story will confirm it all...

Late this summer, I left my job to go to the competitors, and after a month I realized the grass wasn't exactly greener on the other side, so I went back to my old boss and asked for my job back, which he was more than happy to give me because he had been blown away by how good of a job I had done in the short time I had been there. One condition, he had hired a replacement while I was gone, and he seemed to be working out quite well also, so we would both work together on our specific job. The following Monday as I walked to my station, I smiled and said hello to all the familiar faces, and then I saw my new coworker. A tall, muscular, dark haired, bright-blue-eyed, tanned, dazzling-smiled Adonis named Dan. I honestly don't think I have ever fell for someone THAT QUICKLY before in my life. Before I even made it over to him, I had mumbled "Holy...Shit...." under my breath. Since Minute One we have been close friends, clicking instantly and almost immediately me sensing that there might potentially be something else there, someday.

Dan has a girlfriend, but I'm using that term loosely. Most conversations we have about her are about how big of a bitch she is and how she lies and starts fights for no reason. Not exactly a concrete relationship. The more and more I fell for this guy, the more I realized we had in common and how much further apart he and his girlfriend were growing. It all came to a head one Friday night a few weeks ago...

A day or two before, I let something slip that may or may not have given him an indication that I was into guys. He knew all about my ex girlfriend and all, but nothing about me being bi. So anyways, after clamming up for an hour or so, he finally said "Man, are you gay? It's cool if you are, I really don't care, but we're getting to be pretty good friends here and I don't want anything between us..." I of course was still a little skeptical, so I stayed silent for a few minutes and finally answered no. That was that, no more was said of it. Until the following Friday night.

I had been away on a business trip for 2 days and arrived home around 11 that Friday night. As I was throwing laundry into the washer, my cell rang. It was Dan. He sounded upset, and asked if I was home, and I said yes. He said he and his girl had gotten in a huge fight and he had taken off walking, and was headed for my house (he only lives 4 blocks away). So when he arrived, we decided to go out to the bar and getting totally hammered, which we did... After we had staggered back to my house to sit in the garage and drink more, he gets what I like to call "Into Brad Mode" where he talks lower and his gazes linger longer than they should and he finds excuses to touch me, and he asks me if I think he's sexy (Dan's very conceited by the way, and we always joke around at work about how hot he is, and until this night, I always made it seem like I was just playing into the joke) so I said yes, that he is hot. Very hot.

"How hot" He says

"So hot you make me wanna do things to you I have never done before" I say back with a sly grin (if he only knew)

"Oh? Like what?" He presses on...

"Like..." as I put my hand on his thigh, "...this" and lean in to kiss him, fully expecting him to jerk his head back and shove me away, laughing. But he didn't. My lips crashed into his, and as drunk as I was, it took less than an instant for me to realize that he had wanted me to do that all along. My hands went up to his shoulders, his to mine, our mouths opened, tongues met, somehow I ended up straddling him in the chair, greedily kissing each other for all we were worth. It seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds. I pulled away and stood up, staring directly into those icy blue pools of his eyes. They were staring right back into mine, a look of positive-uncertainty on his face.

"Wha... I can't believe you did... You are gay... Aren't you?" He stammers, with a grin.

"Well, no, not exactly. I'm bi." I said.

blah blah blah, the rest of the conversation was the usual stuff, me explaining everything (minus the fact that I wanted to run away with him and fuck him and marry him) and he seemed okay with it. I asked him if he was gay, bi, or just verrrry curious, and he said he had done some minimal stuff with a few guys before, never all the way but that sex to him was just that, sex. It didn't matter who it was between, he was very open-minded. But then he added that disclaimer I seem to keep running into: underneath all the shit, he loves his girlfriend and could never cheat on her, because he has been cheated on too many times.

Which I can easily respect. I've been cheated on before and it's not fun. But that's not to say that I'm giving up on the idea of Danny, and one of our cocks planted firmly in the others' ass at some point in time. We came up with a plan, that since I really have nothing concrete here, that if he and his girlfriend ended up breaking up, he and I would head down to California to live in San Diego where he lived before he moved here. He said that since he moved away from there it was the biggest mistake of his life but his girlfriend has her roots planted here and refused to move to Cali. Plus I've ALWAYS wanted to live in California, so we agreed that if/when they split, we load up my car and head south.

So other than the "kiss" nothing has transpired between the two of us. Yet. But believe me, I can easily see this becoming more sooner or later. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I have a good feeling that it's not...

Happy Halloween!!

- Clark -

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i saw that kiss coming from the 1st moment u mentioned him.

woot woot

-stevie
http://chaos.typepad.com

1:23 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy you're back, totally missed you :)

7:34 AM

 
Anonymous Piggy at llovelypig@hotmail.com said...

i am so happy to see you again. do you any idea how long i have waited and how many times i have checked your blog?
anyways, welcome back, and keep posting

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I hope you come back again, I love your writing.

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