Venting

Bear with me...

I am SOOOOOOO fucking sick of hearing about Brad and Angelina's new baby, Shiloh Nouvel. Whoopee, someone had a baby. I guarantee that wasn't the only kid born in the world that day. Whoever paid $4,000,000 for the first pictures of the kid is a RETARD. Yes, I think it's great that the money is being donated to charity. I actually have to give Brangelina a high-five on all the good things they do (more so Angelina, I think Brad just tags along, because she looks like one hot P.O.A.) and I have no doubt in my mind that they are annoyed to no limits with all the press surrounding them. Their situation happens everyday: She's a woman who knows what she wants. She wanted Brad Pitt. Brad was married. TECHNICALITY! Brad's not married anymore. Jennifer Aniston milked the depressed lonely divorcee thing a little too much, and found a rebound in... ahem, VINCE VAUGHN??? Dude's gotta be hung like an elephant, because he looks like he jumped from a moving vehicle and landed in a huge pile of AGING CELEBRITY. Props to him though, too, because he's one of the few celebrities who doesn't care that he's getting older. And he's bangin' Jennifer ANISTON like a screen door in the wind, which is never a bad thing...

If I pick up ONE MORE MAGAZINE and see "Britney & Kevin on the ROCKS!! Kevin moves out!! Britney Spears = MOM FROM HELL". Like seriously... okay. Number one, someone give me a Hollywood marriage that lasted forever. Plus, Britney is a (semi-former) POP STAR who married her backup dancer. He must be hung like an elephant too because Brit seems like a high-maintenence type. Or did, before she packed on 30 lbs (even before she got pregnant) and LET HERSELF GO. I have (or had, not sure) a poster of her in my room when I was 17. Not because I was a fan of her music, but because she was wearing a BLACK LEATHER whatever that barely covered anything, and thigh-high boots. Blonde hair, and a look in her eyes that could only say "FUCK ME LIKE A JACKHAMMER PLEASE?" I think that was sometime around the "I'm a Slave 4U" phase... *drools nostalgically*
But, she let herself go. She, like Vince Vaughn, doesn't seem to care. She wants to be a mom now. Hey, everybody grows up sometime, right? Her kid fell out of his high-chair. Social Services paid a visit. Hey, SS, guess what? A million kids a day fall out of their high chairs. It was an ACCIDENT. I wonder how many of those people that bitched about Brit being an unfit mother actually HAVE kids, or have at least taken care of one for a day. Babies and toddlers HAVE SMALL BRAINS!! They're brand new, and don't know NOT to do this or that. That's how they learn. My roommates' kid, who is 3 now, and is a little wiser, but when he first learned how to do things himself, he fell down. He hit his head. He bruised himself. He's not damaged. My little cousins' favourite thing to do when he was 2 was BANG HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL.
Omigod. Britney tripped and almost fell while holding her son... Uhh, yeah? You can see why. And don't blame it on her pants or shoes. The poor girl was just trying to get to her car, and there were at least 20 paparazzi creating complete chaos all around her. No damn wonder. They make her look so bad saying she's doing this or that wrong, but most of the time, they set her up for it. Yes, I admit, the whole convertible thing wasn't very smart, or the lap-holding in the drivers' seat. But hey, cut her some slack. Nobody's perfect.

I've asked this question before, but WHY THE HELL IS PARIS HILTON FAMOUS? I thought about that the other day. Besides the sex video (which started it all), she has done The Simple Life, but that only came about after the sex video. Ultimately, everything she has done in the last 3 or 4 years has been because of the sex video. Doesn't that kinda classify her as a porn star? ==> (Followup: Yes, I have seen the sex video. I actually have it saved in a folder on my computer. It's not that great, night-vision regardless. I can't believe Rick Soloman didn't backhand her when she answered her cell phone. If I'm fucking a girl, or guy, doesn't matter, and a phone rings, THAT'S WHAT VOICEMAIL IS FOR! Otherwise the girl lays there for the most part like a starfish while Ricky pounds away at her. I think she climbs into a reverse cowgirl once or twice, but only because he tells her to...)

Honest to God, sometimes it would be nice to be a celebrity, from a financial point of view, but I could NOT STAND people following me around all the time and taking private pictures of me, telling lies about me, etc. On the other hand, if I were famous, the tabloids would have a field day with me. I just wouldn't care what people think. Sure, whatever credibility I would have would be shot, but whatever. 15 minutes is all I'm lookin' for. Despite what I do in my life now, however sordid and off-the-beaten-path, when it all comes down, I am a very private person. I like to be alone once in awhile, perfectly quiet, and just relax. I like to know that certain BITCHES aren't going through my things when I'm not home. I would like my life to be the way it used to be, when I wasn't constantly looking over my shoulder. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even in my tiny town, I am somewhat of a celebrity. Of sorts. People talk, they talk to other people, and stories get around. Not ALL stories that go around about me are bad, though. Mostly untrue, and if they were true my life would be 10 times more interesting than it already is, so now I guess I'm immune to most things people say. For the most part, it's good for a laugh, if nothing else.

Thanks for letting me vent. I haven't done that for awhile... Stay tuned next week for what I'm hoping will be another good weekend!

"Clark"