A first-hand account of the fallout from one drunken summer night in July 2005.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

My longest weekend/post ever

Well another eventful weekend is drawing to a close. Naturally, Bitch was in full blown Bitch mode starting Friday night, So Brad wanted to be nowhere near her. Also, she was planning on staying at my house for the night, so I knew if Brad and I were going to hang out, I was gonna have to leave the house.

So we jump in the car and headed down to Cuz's place - he invited a few friends over and we had a campfire down by the water. It was a great time, we all had a little more to drink than we should have, and I got dared to strip and jump in the water. Keep in mind, I live in Eastern Canada, and it's only the first of May, so the water is by no means "swimmable" just yet. But me being me, took the dare and stripped, walked straight into the water up to my knees and dove in, did a few circles and got back out. Everyone was laughing and whatever, no one thought I would actually do it. But I did, and put my clothes back on and the party continued. Then about an hour later, someone said they thought I wouldn't go back in, I told him for $50 I would; a fifty came out and my clothes came off once again. Back in the water I went for a few minutes and got back out again. I got dressed and apparently had no idea just how drunk and/or cold I was, and while warming myself by the fire, realized that my shoe had melted. It was all good, my foot wasn't burned or anything, just a ruined pair of shoes.

We sat around for another hour or so, a group of girls had shown up, and this one girl that Drew used to hook up with started talking to me - a lot. Finally she leans in and says something about how by the looks of what I have between my legs that she could have a LOT more fun with me than she had with Drew. So long story short, we made arrangments to go home together. Brad had also clicked with another girl and was planning on going home with her too. But when I got in the car, I started to feel cold, and when I reached down to turn the heater on, I couldn't move my arm. So then I tried moving other things, and I felt paralyzed. That's a damn scary feeling when physically you feel fine, but you cannot move an inch. Everyone else was standing outside around the cars and I couldn't figure out how I was going to get their attention. So after about 10 minutes went by, I was so scared that I built up all my strength and honked the horn. Brad and my hookup both walked over to my window and stood there waiting for me to roll it down. All I could do was stare out at them, so Brad opened the door and asked what was wrong. I told him I couldn't move my body and that I needed to get warmed up. Brad's brother was there, and he's usually the one with the level head, even when he's drunk, so he insisted that I go to the hospital. Needless to say, I did NOT want to go to the hospital, but I went. Brad carried me into the ER and told the nurse, who kept looking at me like I was retarded, what I had done and that he thought I was hypothermic. My body temp had dropped to 95, but I was warming up pretty quickly so the nurse said there was nothing to worry about. The doctor wanted me to stay for the night but I told him no, there was no way I was spending the night there if "I was fine". Much to his dismay, I discharged myself and walked back outside. Everyone was waiting out there, and I just wanted to go to sleep. The reality of everything had set in and I felt pretty stupid. So the hook up hopped into the drivers seat and Brad climbed in the back. Then the hook up remembered she had to get her purse or something out of her friends' car, so she jumped back out. Brad hadn't stopped talking the whole time about how bad he wanted to fuck the girl he was supposed to take home, and honestly by that point I was just sick of listening to it. So I turned around and said "Look, I'm sorry I ruined your night and I'm really sorry you're not gonna get laid and believe me I wish you would so you'd shut the hell up about it. My little trip by the hospital kind of inconvenienced us all and I'm sure I'll have lots of opportunities to apoligize for it this weekend." and I turned back around - I was definitely heated up now. I fully expected him to start firing back like he usually does but I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to the left and he leaned forward between the seats.
"You mean a lot more to me than a hook up, you know that. And if you need to go to the hospital or anywhere else, I don't care what I have to drop to get you there."

I honestly couldn't say anything. I really didn't expect him to say something like that. And honestly I didn't have a chance to respond because hookup had returned and by now the beer goggles had started to wear off so her being in my car now made not much sense. But we drove to my house and her friend pulled in behind us to pick her up. I asked Brad if he was staying here and he said no, that he was gonna go home. I figured that meant he was either gonna keep trying with his hookup or take mine, so I just said whatever and shut the door. He opened it again and said "you make sure you call me tomorrow" and I said "yup" and shut the door again. I suddenly got really pissed off about everything and couldn't seem to get my jacket off so I just ripped it open. I heard a chuckle and turned and saw my roommate standing there.
"What the hell do you have hospital scrubs on for?" He asked me.
"Long fuckin story man, loooooooong fuckin story." I replied.
"Who was that that just left, Brad?" He asked.
"Yeah. And the girl that Drew used to bang." I mumbled.
"Ohhhhhh. I get it." He said and patted me on the shoulder.

I should have just let it go but I wasn't exactly in that mood so I turned around towards him and said "What the hell does that mean?"
"What do you mean?" He asked, "you know, I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be honest with me."

"Maybe" I said,

"Is something going on between you two? It's okay, and I won't tell anyone, I just want you to be honest." He said.

"Why would you think that?" I asked quietly.

He patted the spot beside him on the couch, and I sat down beside him.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to and let me assume what I have been, if that makes it any easier." He whispered.

I was feeling a lie coming on again, "It's not like that, we just---"

that's when he cut me off with "have sex?"

My heart skipped about 3 beats and I just stared at him.

"Sorry, you don't have to answer that either." he said, looking down.

I could tell that he was sorry he'd brought the whole thing up and I was sorry I had acted the way I did because it's not like he doesn't know about me, he and I fooled around a few times before and he was actually the first person I came out to. He must have been thinking the same thing, because then he jokingly said, "So is he hung better than me?"

We both started laughing and I sensed the possibility that something could come of this.
"Please, I haven't met anyone hung bigger than you - yet." His smile kinda turned into a friendly stare and he said "Huh?"

(He wears these really thin, loose pyjama pants all the time with no underwear so it's totally easy to see his dick swinging back and forth when he walks.) I glanced down at his crotch and noticed he was getting hard. I suddenly got really brave and said "wanna take a swing by the good ole' times?" and he replied the way he used to, by raising his butt up and pulling his pants down with that blank stare. This dude has a huge dick, and he's only about 5'6", so that fact makes it look even bigger. I reached over and grabbed it, jerking it a few times. He moaned and dropped his head back on the couch.

"Suck me, please" he whispered. So I bent over and got as far as the head into my mouth before I had another reality check. I raised my head back up, and told him I couldn't do it. He started to ask why and then stopped and said "Because of him?" I said "no, because of her." He just nodded and said "yeah, you're probably right" and pulled his pants back up. So that was pretty much that and we both went to our respective beds.

The next day, Saturday, I decided to not make anything out of the way I acted last night, I was gonna get teased enough about the whole swimming and supposed hypothermia. So I got up around 12:30 and showered and headed down to Brad's to wake him up. Like I said I decided not to be bitter about anything and now I actually wanted to know how his night went after they left my house.

It took quite a bit to wake him up, but he finally did and we went down to Cuz's place to see if he needed help cleaning up after last night. We sat around there for awhile and decided to head up to the bar. It was awful; nobody was out, but a small group of us got drunk anyways. Another long story short, Brad and I decided to head to the camp at around 3 a.m. Once again, Brad wiped out walking down the hill and it was it was just as funny this time as it was last time. I didn't find it that cold in there but Brad kept saying he was cold so we tried to build a fire. Every single stick of wood was soaked, so the fire was pretty much a no go. After another 45 minutes or so I suggested we just call it a night. He agreed and climbed into bed. I asked if I could sleep on the outside and he said no, a move that would have made things much less awkward the next morning but hindsight is 20/20, right? So anyways, we got under the blankets, fully clothed, and immediately fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later with Brad's arm wrapped around me and his leg thrown over mine. Goddamn he was so warm, so I pushed into him as close as I could get. I fell right back to sleep and woke up again around 8:30. He was on his back and I found my hand resting on his stomach, just above his pants. I started moving my hand down inside, thinking he was still asleep and was planning on waking him up in a good way. I had just found his cock when I felt his hand raise up and start undoing his belt. I helped him out and pulled his pants down when he raised his ass up. I crawled under the blankets and between his legs. He had started to breathe heavier already, so I wasted no time taking him all the way in. I must have sucked him for a good 25 minutes when I raised my head up and asked if he was getting close at all, because if not, my head was going to fall off. He grinned and said yes, for me to keep doing what I was doing and he'd be there soon. After about another 5 minutes I could feel him squeezing his legs together and I knew it was go time. His hands clamped down on the back of my head and he bucked his hips up.
"I'm fucking cummin' " he growled and let go. He tasted better than ever, and I could tell it had been awhile since he last got off. He laid there catching his breath as I moved back up beside him. I still had my hand wrapped around his cock and was slowly jerking him off. He put his arm back around my shoulders and we had just started drifting back to sleep when I though I heard something. I raised my head up and listened but didn't hear anything else. I had just laid my head back down when I heard footsteps outside on the porch. I looked up just in time to see my dad walk by the window. All I remember saying was "Holy fucking shit my dad! My DAD!" in a whisper and Brad frantically pulling his pants back up. It was all like slow motion though, in that short period of time, I told Brad to fuck it and I hid under the blankets. A move I now realize was retarded, my car was sitting outside, my dad knew I was in here, but had no clue who I was in here with. But he walks in the door and Brad tried to act as natural as he could, given the circumstances. I heard them chat for what seemed like 37 hours but was really like 2 minutes. I was trying to be as invisible as I could, and the door to the other bedroom was shut, so I thought maybe dad thinks I'm sleeping in there. After all, we had a lot of blankets on the bed and you probably really couldn't tell for sure if there was someone else under there, and I hadn't heard dad open the other door before he left, so it seemed like it just might work. After he left, we somehow fell back asleep again, even though my heart was racing and I couldn't believe we pretty much just got caught by my DAD of all people.

I awoke around 12:30 and as usual, got up and staggered around for a few minutes, searching for a cigarette, and sat down on the couch. Brad always slept on his side facing out, and I actually felt kind of creepy sitting there watching him sleep. Either creepy, or really cheesy because that probably only really happens in the movies. As much as I loved the Ex, I sat and watched her sleep once and got really bored after about 5 minutes. Finally he opened his eyes (barely) and grunted "mornin". I told him what time it was and he rolled onto his back and said for me to come back to bed. Any other time, I would have but all I could think about was my dad, and whatever the hell was going through his head. I finally got Brad out of bed and we locked the place up and got in the car. Neither of us said much all the way to his house, until we turned up his road and he said "So what do you think is going through your dads head right now?" I looked at him and said "I dunno, but I'm not gonna be able to look at him for at least a week". We pulled into his driveway and as he climbed out he said (what he usually says) "Don't worry about it". I sighed and said "Brad, you always tell me that, and what do I always do? I worry. You're the calm one, I'm the worrier. You know I'm gonna worry about it." He laughed and said "Yeah I know you are, but I'm not and you really need to teach yourself not to, too." I just nodded and gave him a quick smile, and he smiled back and blew me a quick kiss. We said goodbye and I headed home.

On the way to my house, I had to drive by my parents' house. I debated stopping in and confronting my dad, telling him that what he saw meant nothing, we just passed out and not to worry about anything. By the time I decided I was actually going to do this, I had driven by, so I turned around and went back. As it turns out he wasn't even there, so all my built up courage was wasted and I once again headed towards home.

It was 2 o'clock Sunday afternoon; usually about the time I was coming around and doing something. But I walked in, took a shower, and went to bed. Just before I went to sleep it occurred to be that I hadn't had a chance to get off, and it had been awhile for me too, but all I could think about was my dad walking in and seeing his only son, his only child, in bed with another guy. Of all people I ever imagined getting caught by, he was the last.

By Monday night though, I had built up more courage and went to talk to him. When I told him that what he saw wasn't what he thought, he just grinned and asked me what I thought he saw. I said "Uhh, your son in bed with another dude?" and he laughed! He said not to worry about it, he didn't even see me, and what he saw of Brad was fully clothed, so who cares? Then he said how it wouldn't matter to him even if it was something. I know some of you are thinking what a perfect chance to tell him the truth but not yet. Maybe not ever. I could see if I was gay, then yes, someday I would have to tell him, but I'm strictly bi and someday, regardless of what's going on with me and Brad right now, I know somewhere deep down that it will never actually go as far as I want it to now.

Honestly there's so much more I could write but I feel bad about not having posted for so long, so that's it for now I guess. Stay tuned!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you're in serious denial, you're fucking queer, not bi. You're in love with Brad and just don't know how to deal with it cause you're from some hick town and afraid everyone is going to find out. The funny thing is they all probably know and think you and Brad are retards for not just admitting it.

11:57 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you had gone to the door with Brad, it would appear more that you got busted. But because you didn't go, it appears more that, unlike Brad, you didn't know your father was there, so chill. Think of some reason as to why you would have been less likely to have heard him if you were in the guest bedroom. Tell him it's quieter back there or something.

2:29 AM

 

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