A good run, while it lasted...

Well, as usual, a lot has happened since my last post. One major point, I suppose, is that Brad and Bitch broke up, for good this time. They're the type of couple that don't realize that couples fight and get over it. They always thought everytime they had a fight, that they had broken up. But this time, they actually, for-the-first-time-in-5-years, broke up.

Last Friday night, we were at a party, and Brad disappeared with a girl he had been "after" for awhile. IMHO, she's not at all hot, but everyone has their preference I guess. For reasons still-unknown, he was being particularly bitchy to me, so finally I had had enough and just walked away from him. It was getting to the point where he would say something nasty for no reason at all; and I know I hadn't done anything because we had gone out the night before, I got too drunk, he drove me home, and that was that until we went to the party Friday night. I remember I wasn't SO drunk that I said or did anything to offend him, it just further confirms my theory that he's bi-polar.

Around midnight, he found me at the party and started accusing me of lying to Drew. (Drew had came to my work Friday afternoon looking for his cooler, I said it was at my house, and that was that) Brad then proceeds to tell me that afterwards, Drew was bitching about me and how I wouldn't stop asking why he wanted it, where he was going, etc. Okay, 1:30 on a Friday afternoon (my busiest work day) I have time to stand around and play 20 Questions? So Brad then says "So you're saying Drew's a liar, then?" and I responded with "Uhh, Brad, he's always been a liar. The guy lies about things that don't even need to be lied about. He's been like that since we were kids" and then Brad glares at me and says "I think YOU'RE the goddamn liar" and starts to walk away. I yelled after him, and all he can come up with is "I don't wanna start a fight..." and walked away. He'd already started one.

I ignored the asshole for the rest of the night, and he finally left with this girl. I know some of you are thinking I pined after him all night because he didn't go home with ME, which is sooo not the case. For some reason, Drew wouldn't stop talking about him, with this sick-worried look on his face. I couldn't give a fuck where he went. It was taking all of my strength not to go out in the driveway and smash Brad's car windows with a baseball bat. I've told him I don't know how many times, I don't get pissed off very often, but when it happens, it's bad. And my best friend calling me a liar gets me pissed off. Somehow though I restrained myself. I made it to bed around 5:30, calm.

Saturday, I still didn't give a shit where Brad was. My buddy Scott was going to his camp for the day to get it ready for the party this weekend (can't wait), so I called his cell and said I would meet him up there in an hour. Wouldn't you fucking know, as I drive up the driveway to Scott's camp, Brad is just getting out of his car. Great. The last person I wanna see in the last place I'd expect to see him, and here he is. He looked like absolute shit, and for the first hour we were there all he could say was how he had finally bagged that girl. I mean like every 5 or 10 minutes, he would bring it up. Just as I was about to tell him to get over it, Scott looks at him and says "YES BRAD, we all know you're a big stud. We all know you cheated on your girlfriend, AGAIN, with ANOTHER skank, because you reek of sex and beer. And BY THE WAY, I wouldn't brag a whole lot about fucking (her) because almost every guy in town has fucked her at least twice, she has a kid to prove it, and she's not even hot. And look at her parents, she's NOT GONNA GET HOTTER"

My mouth was hanging open. I couldn't believe it. Scott never flips out like that. Even Brad couldn't say anything. Long story short for the rest of the day Brad was pretty good. We all calmed down and drank some beers and ended up having to sleep at the camp that night because none of us could drive. Good times.

So by Sunday night, Brad and Bitch had fought and chewed and called it quits, so Brad did what he does best, got drunk to celebrate. I was leaving and told him I'd call him sometime this week. He said "don't bother, I'll probably be missing" I had better things to do with my time, since he was starting to look less hot and more trashy in my eyes, the guy hasn't gone to work in 3 weeks, just bought a car, borrowed the money for it from his drug-dealer brother in law (MEG'S baby-daddy) and has been drunk pretty much ever since. He's either gonna wind up dead in his car, or at the hands of baby daddy, or at the very least, in jail. What a waste. Ah well, I got mine.

Monday night, Scott called and wanted me to come over and watch game 7 of the Stanley Cup. I again had absolutely no desire to be anywhere NEAR Brad, but half an hour into the game he walked through the door. Wow, he wasn't drunk, nor did he have any beer with him. Somewhat impressive. He (again) acted like nothing had happened. We went outside for a cigarette during intermission, and I asked him what his problem had been last Friday night. He looked at me with this confused look on his face and said he remember's almost NOTHING from Friday night. Instead of leaving it at that, I filled him in on every little detail just to make him feel bad. Then he started going on about Drew, and how he had gone back to Bitch and told her everything Brad did Friday night, and THEN TRIED TO PICK HER UP! I just looked at Brad and said "What did I fucking TELL YOU?? You can't trust the guy with anything!" He agreed.

Tuesday night though, apparently he had "forgotten" again and he and Drew were buddy-buddy again. I called his cell phone about 11 Tuesday night, and discovered it had been disconnected. Whatever. I was ready to write him off completely. But, there would still be one small glimmer of off-key hope...

I wake up Wednesday morning to go to work. Come out to the kitchen and get my coffee, light a cigarette, and turn towards the window. There is Brad's bright red car sitting in my driveway. His windows are tinted so I couldn't tell if there was anyone in it or not. I walked outside in my boxers, across the lawn and opened his door. He almost fell out onto the driveway. He half-awoke, looked at me and goes "niiiice. Mornin' sexy" The smell of stale beer has never been more over-powering. It was disgusting. I rolled my eyes at him, and told him I charged for over night parking. He threw his wallet at me, so I grabbed it and his keys (he had almost fallen back asleep by this point) and slammed the door. When I left for work, he was still asleep in his car, with the windows up, and I drove off with his keys and wallet in my console. My house was locked, no spare key, and he had no cell phone. Good luck buddy!

At lunch Wednesday I thought I'd drive home and see how he was making out. When I pulled in the driveway I saw him STILL ASLEEP IN HIS CAR for Chrissakes. Halfway to his car, the thought crossed my mind that maybe he was dead. It was already about 80 degrees outside, and he was sitting in the sun with the windows all up. Eyes closed. Not moving. Wuh-oh...

Just my luck, the fucker was still alive. He awoke for real this time, somewhat sober, and VERY confused as to why he was in his car in my driveway at noon on a Wednesday with no memory since about 5:00 yesterday afternoon. I didn't say a word to him, just threw his keys and wallet on the ground and went inside for lunch.

He came in after a few minutes and started saying something about how he had made a lot of big mistakes recently, I agreed, and said it was gonna take a lot more than his puppy dog eyes to make up for it. He told me he just "really liked this girl for a long time and thought he wanted to be with her" and I shot back with "well, if you're happy, that's good. Fuck how everyone else feels. I hope she's worth losing me, Bitch, your parents, your sister, neice, Scott, your JOB, your CAR, which is gonna result in your LIFE is you don't start paying (him) soon. You have to realize that you are 23 years old. Everyone else your age has GROWN UP. You are more of a child now than you were at 16. It's pathetic. And you passing out in my driveway until noon on a weekday shows you can't even take care of yourself, so how the hell do you expect to take care of your new whore and her kid?" My voice had gotten louder the longer I went on and by the time I finished I was MAD. I figured he'd have something to say about me calling her a whore but he just sat there with a stunned look on his face. Then the tears appeared in his eyes and I walked to the door. I was putting my shoes on and he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me up.

"I want you to tell me everything right now. Everything." He said.

"You wanna know everything? Fine. I'll tell you everything. Last summer changed me. You fucking changed me. You turned me into somebody I never wanted to be but now that I am I like it, and for the past year it's been somebody I wanna be forever but with nobody else but you. I know last July was a drunk thing and you said it wouldn't happen again, but it has happened again Brad. Over and over and over. And everytime it happens this gets worse and worse for me. I fucking fell in LOVE with you. I hated myself for that for the longest time but I accepted it. BUT, I love the Brad that I sneak off to the camp with. The Brad I spent Christmas Eve with, the Brad that talks really low and is half-shy when we're alone and the Brad that doesn't act like a dickhead. I don't even LIKE the Brad that calls me a liar when you know goddamn well that you are the ONLY person IN THE WORLD that I have never ever lied to. EVER. Nobody knows more about me than you do but if you feel you need to call me a liar then be my guest. You think you have it so hard. I'm a bisexual who wanted to be straight until you told me you were bisexual too. Well you can't keep fucking me and letting me fuck you and you definitely can't keep kissing me the way you do and then tell me that 'it's just sex' because that's a load of bullshit. And don't think I'm asking you now to choose which road you wanna take in life because I'm not. I knew for the longest time which way I wanted to go - far away from this hell hole, with you. But the way you've been acting lately I'm glad it hasn't happened yet. You are very quickly becoming somebody I don't even want to be AROUND, let alone be WITH, and that might hurt you but it hurts me too. You are the only person I trust anymore. I tried to help you last winter when you were in Rehab. I helped you when you wanted to kill yourself. I've given you I don't know how much money and I don't expect any of it back. Anything I've ever given or done for you has been a gift, not a loan, and it was all a big thank you for being there for me when I needed you. And you're ruining it."

I was holding myself together pretty good (for me) and I shut my mouth right there. He hadn't even tried to interrupt me the whole time which is unusual for Brad. He was still staring right at me, but his gaze had softened. After everything I had said to him, he looked at me and said (as I expected he would)

"You love me?"

"Yes." I said, and went back to work without another word.

I haven't heard from him since.

And it doesn't even hurt that bad. Why is that?