My First Blog. Ever.

Hello to anyone reading this. This is the first time I have ever blogged anything. Bear with me. I feel that I have jumped into an entirely new society that I know nothing about. Basically my reason for being here is, I feel it is good for one's soul to keep a journal. I myself, don't particularly like to write, so I guess I'm gonna type. However, by no means is this "journal" private. If that were so, I wouldn't have put it on the internet, now would I?

I guess before I get too personal, I'll tell you all what I'm about. I have no weird hang-ups, and I'm not on a crusade for some rediculous cause. Like my description says, I'm just a regular, everyday 22 y/o Canadian guy, cruising through life. On the surface, there is nothing particularly interesting about me. But, I find once you get to know people like that, they can be the most interesting people to know.

You see, I live in a very small town. Actually, I don't even live IN town. I live OUTSIDE of a town with fewer than 2,000 residents. Probably 80% of you know what small town life is like. I'm 22 years old, single, I just bought my first house (yesterday, actually), and I've recently discovered that I'm bi-sexual. Well, I "discovered" it when I was probably 12 years old, but you know how it is, puberty is a bitch, you don't know if you're gay, straight, neon orange, a Black Angus Cow, whatever. Anyways, I've battled with that decision for 10 years. Small towns don't typically "allow" non-straight people into their society, and my town is no exception. I've had to hide this my entire life. Recently, (within the last 10 months or so) I "came out" to a male friend of mine, my best friend, actually, the "brother"-type. This came about one night, several weeks after we both ended up drunk and in bed together. Awkward moments, err, uh weeks resulted, until I finally broke the ice by telling him I was bi. With images of him smashing my face running through my head, he said "That's cool. Thanks for being honest with me." And that was that. That one heated night has never been spoken of since. I vowed I would never let sex come between myself and a friend ever again. Well, my vow meant shit, lol.

Two weeks ago, another close friend of mine, Brad, asked me, (privately) if I was gay. He didn't say it accusingly, it was as if he was asking me what time it was. I responded "no - I'm bi. There's a difference." (Which I truly believe, although I know some people don't agree)
Once again, images of me getting pummelled flashed in front of me, and once again, that didn't happen. Brad extended his hand, and said "Welcome to my world"

Sidenote: Brad is a complicated fellow. He's very emotional, whether it be agressive, sad, happy... All in all, he's a very hard person to read. He and I frequently have talks about life and all that crap, and he always finishes by saying no one will ever understand him; he's in his own little world, and he's scared that his "world" is going to consist of only him for all time.

So anyways, he was as relieved as I was that someone could finally join him in his "world". Apparently, he was more terrified of people finding out about his sexuality than I was. As I matured, I grew less and less scared of people knowing this. Now that Brad has opened up, he thinks he's going to be tarred and feathered. Which he's not. Our town isn't that judgemental.

We agreed to keep each others secrets. Which we have. And it feels good to not have that secret bottled up inside me anymore. But for now, I think that's enough about me. I've been sitting down wayyyy too long. Plus, I need a smoke.